


Bad Habits

by fox_sake



Category: My Candy Love
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Examples, Belligerent Sexual Tension, Canon Rewrite, Complicated Relationships, Dom/sub Undertones, Drugs, F/M, MCLU, Musical References, Rewrite, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Spoilers, University Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:13:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26794186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fox_sake/pseuds/fox_sake
Summary: Hailey is back in town and torn between falling back into old habits and picking up bad new ones.(Joke version: University Life but MC is a hot mess.)
Relationships: Candy/Castiel (My Candy Love), Candy/Nathaniel (My Candy Love)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 26





	1. Crowstorm, part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story features many rewrites of canon scenes according to Hailey's personality, as well as many brand new scenes. It also features some bad examples. Don't do this stuff at home, kids.  
> Keep an eye (or ear) out for songs that will be thrown into some of the chapters.  
> .  
> Warning 1: heavy SPOILERS for High School Life and University Life!!!  
> Warning 2: there may be smut in later chapters...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey is forced to face old wounds after she decides to go to Crowstorm's concert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this rewrite, Hailey hasn't seen Nathaniel so far since she's been back in town.

Hailey's attention is immediately robbed from her friends as the DJ stops playing music. The room goes darker and the stage lights up. A weird feeling takes over her stomach as the audience starts to cheer, a few girly cries screaming Castiel's name.

Those are probably the Castielover T-shirt girls. Well, too bad for them. Castiel hates that sort of thing. Or at least he used to.

A hand placed on Hailey's hand startles her. It's Rosalya's hand. Her friend sends her a concerned look.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

Hailey hesitates, but eventually manages to give Rosa a small reassuring smile.

"I'll live."

She forgets to breathe for a moment as she hears a guitar screeching. Is that him playing? Where is he? The curtains are still closed.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHjwlPlRZ6s)

A slow guitar riff begins to play, and Hailey has heard Castiel playing enough times before to know that has to be him. Even if she didn't manage to catch half the things he tried to teach her about music, she learned enough and heard him play enough times to be able to recognize his playing almost as well as his voice. She can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but he certainly has an identity.

When the guitar stops, the silence is quite discomforting. That is, of course, until a few more screams erupt. Well, Crowstorm sure knows how to build suspense. It's making her even more nervous.

The crowd goes wild as the curtains finally lift, allowing the dazzling lights to expose the band members, who are motionless on stage. Hailey's heart skips a beat as her eyes land on the familiar figure at the center. Castiel has his back turned to the audience and stands there confidently, his chin clearly lifted even though his face can't be seen yet. His hair is still very red, but a bit longer.

"Is that him?" Chani's voice next to her is nothing but a distant echo.

"Don't bother, Chani, we lost her", Alexy says.

Without bothering to take her eyes off of Castiel, Hailey stands up, leaving her drink and friends behind. Maybe it's a terrible idea, but she just has to get closer to the stage.

Just as she starts to walk, the band starts to play. The sounds are so intense that she feels like she is being carried by the music, the drums resonating in her ribcage. It's electrifying.

None of her friends bother to try and stop her as she makes her way through the crowd as if she's in a trance. They probably know better than that.

She doesn't though. She doesn't know better. She has no idea why she's getting closer. She came telling herself she was going to try not to be noticed by Castiel. So why is she getting closer to where he is? What is she hoping to achieve?

The intensity of the music rises as Castiel begins to play a franctic solo, still not facing the audience. Hailey's heart races more and more. She feels like the might die right then and there.

But the sensation is silenced as the music abruptly stops and Castiel turns around. All sensations are chased away. It's as if she has gone completely numb. She realizes she has stopped on her tracks, and is unsure if it was her decision or not to stop walking. Either way, she's close enough. Too close, even. Almost front stage. Going any closer would make sure he would notice her, which would be a terrible idea. _Right?_

Castiel smirks a very familiar smirk as his eyes scan the audience, fortunately or unfortunately - she can't decide - not landing on Hailey just yet.

"We are Crowstorm", he announces in a confident tone.

A round of deafening screams rings out through the place.

Hailey can't stop herself from smiling. _Look at him._ He looks like a true rockstar.

The music resumes, even louder this time. Then, it reaches another dramatic pause while Castiel opens his mouth and takes a breath, indicating that he's about to sing.

Hailey stops breathing as she waits to hear what was once her favorite voice in the entire world. The pause is quite brief, but it feels like an eternity.

Then, his voice can finally be heard. It's very similar to what she remembers. Gentle and raw at the same time, but just a bit more mature. It feels comforting but also seems to tear her heart into a million pieces. Perhaps the pieces were there already, just patched up. But Castiel's raw performance strips her raw too, exposing all the cracks she has been desperately trying to hide and fix for too long.

Still, she can't look away. She can't move. It's like he's casting a spell on her while he sings. So she decides to just embrace the hurt and let herself go, let herself get carried away by the music.

Hailey closes her eyes and tilts her head back slightly, focusing on connecting with him through his voice. Looking at him hurts too much. But only hearing him isn't that bad. It's soothing, despite the intensity of the music. _Yes, perfect._

No one can hear it - not even herself -, but soon Hailey is humming along with the music. She didn't know that one before, but it's catchy. She can see why they chose it as an opening song. It's really good. Not happy-sounding, no, that would be unlike Castiel. But it puts you in a party mood somehow. A dark party mood.

When Castiel hits the final chord to signal the end of the song, Hailey is smiling to herself, peacefully ignoring all the screams and applause around her. A bit unwilling to let go of the moment, she takes a few seconds before deciding to finally open her eyes.

Slowly, her eyes flutter open and search for Castiel's face again. But, when they find what they were looking for, all the peace dissipates in a second.

He's looking directly at her. There's no doubt about it. Her eyes widen.

Well, maybe it looks like it but he's actually blinded by the light?

One corner of his mouth twitches into a lopsided smirk right before he averts his eyes.

No, he definitely saw her.

For what feels like too many songs, Hailey is unable to move closer or further away from the stage. But she is also unable to stand still. The performance is too good, the songs are too good. Castiel was already a good musician before, but he certainly improved a lot, and the rest of the band is pretty amazing too. She finds it refreshing that they have a female drummer. There aren't many bands with female drummers out there, at least not that she knows of. And that lady is badass.

Castiel steals a glance at her now and then, but overall seems to avoid making too much eye contact. The situation is probably weird for him too. She wonders if it's nearly as painful for him to see her. Probably not. By the end of their relationship he seemed pretty distant already. Which was making her grow increasingly insecure. Until he broke up with her. It wasn't particularly surprising, the relationship was clearly doomed. She thought about breaking up too back then. But, still, it was specially painful to have that initiative coming from him. One of her biggest regrets is not breaking up first. The regret about moving away is even bigger, but she never talks about that one. It's too painful.

As if he's trying to stick a finger into the wound, Castiel begins playing an awfully familiar song. It takes only a few seconds for her to recognize it. It's the song he wrote for her, around the start of their relationship. He took her into a music store and used their equipment without permission to get her to listen to it, after they ran into Deborah. _Fucking Deborah._

The pain becomes more and more unbearable as the song progresses, but she's unable to move. This time she's unable to move at all. She can't even swing along to the music. She's frozen.

Castiel doesn't glance at her at all this time. He's deliberately avoiding meeting her gaze. He's probably very uncomfortable too. So why play that song? It must've already been in their setlist before. But why would it be there?

Well, it _is_ a great song. Specially when played by an entire band. They did some small changes too that made it into a true masterpiece. So maybe it doesn't mean anything. Just a very good song he didn't want to let go of. Maybe it lost all meaning to him, and that's why it's easy for him to keep playing it. Maybe she doesn't mean anything to him now.

As soon as the song ends, Hailey turns around, fighting back the tears that are threatening to form, and walks away from the stage. She can't keep looking at him. It's hurting too much.

She needs a drink.

When she manages to disentangle herself from the crowd, she looks around, but her friends are out of sight. Maybe they've mingled with the crowd to watch Castiel.

Well, it doesn't matter. She can get a drink on her own.

Hailey sits on the bar stool and fakes a smile to the bartender.

"Hi, I'd like a martini, please."

"Right away", the girl answers.

She watches as the bartender expertly prepares her drink, handling bottles with a swiftness Hailey believes she wouldn't have if she trained for 10 years. Then, when the girl brings the drink, Hailey reaches for the wallet in her purse.

"How much?"

As the bartender opens her mouth to speak, a hand with a bit too many rings slaps some cash onto the counter, startling them both.

"It's on me", the hand's owner says confidently.

Heiley whips her head around to glance at the generous stranger, who probably has ulterior motives. But she quickly realizes it's not a stranger at all.

Her eyes widen.

"...Nathaniel?"

If she couldn't see his face so closely, she certainly wouldn't have recognized him. He's fairly more muscular than before, but that's far from being the biggest change. His hair isn't neatly in place. No, it's messy and cut differently from before. He's wearing dark colors and quite a lot of accessories, and his ears are pierced. As he smirks at Hailey, she notices there's a scar on his mouth. _What happened to him?_

"Hey there, Hailey. Long time no see."

A smile creeps onto her lips. Although it's weird to see him like that, she's incredibly happy to see him at all. And, well... _He looks kinda hot._

Nathaniel then turns to the bartender and slips the money towards her, leaning forward lightly.

"Get me a shot of tequila. You can keep the change, since you're so cute."

The young woman takes the money and giggles, blushing.

Well, clearly the change goes way beyond his body or style.

As Nathaniel sits next to Hailey, she eyes him from head to toe.

"Well, you've-"

"Changed", he completes, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

He stops to give the bartender another flirty smile as she hands him the shots he asked for.

"Thanks, beautiful." Then, it's _his_ time to look Hailey up and down, his gaze lingering slightly in places it shouldn't. "I could say the same about you." He grins. "You know, fishnet tights always get me... And the black hair looks sexy on you too. Brings out your eyes."

He then drinks his shot at once without flinching, not looking away from her. She quirks an eyebrow, refusing to react like the bartender to his flirting.

"Thanks, but eyes up here." She points to her face.

He laughs, looking a bit surprised.

"I can try."

Nathaniel puts his arms on the counter, leaning forward and turning only his head to look at her, his golden eyes glistening with a strange unidentifiable emotion as the tips of his blonde hair try to poke his eyes. The sight is annoyingly attractive.

"So, after being gone for years you've decided to just casually show up at your ex's concert?"

Hailey snorts. That's a bit too direct, but he's always shown a tendency to be a bit blunt, even when he was Mr. Golden Boy. She gives him a playful smile.

"Well, you know me and my curiosity."

He chuckles.

"Yes, I remember that. One of my favorite things about you, to be honest."

Her jaw drops very discretely at the statement, but she chooses to ignore it.

"It's a bit odd for you to be here too. Are you on good terms with Castiel now?"

He sits up straight.

"Not really. We don't talk to be honest. But then again I don't think he stayed in touch with most people from high school... He's a celebrity now after all", he adds with a twinge of bitterness.

He then leans back onto his chair and drags his hips forward in a laid-back way. This time, Hailey automatically looks away from him. That might've been one of the sexiest things she's ever seen.

She buries her face into her glass as much as she can.

"I just felt like going out", Nathaniel says nonchalantly.

"By yourself?" She's still not looking at him.

"Fine. I heard you were back in town and figured you'd be here."

That gets her attention. She gives Nathaniel an incredulous look, but finds nothing but honesty in his eyes.

An inevitable smile creeps onto her lips.

"I missed you, Nath."

He looks away from her as he takes a moment to put his cocky mask back in place, not bothering to respond to her small confession.

"Well, what do you say we hang out after this? You know, to catch up."

"Sure, why not?"

After watching the rest of the concert from afar with Nathaniel and refusing another drink due to feeling slightly dizzy already, Hailey excuses herself to go to the restroom, saying she'll meet him by the bar so they can leave together. She gives him her number just in case they can't find each other.

Hailey finally manages to use the restroom after being in line for a bit too long. Once she leaves the suffocatingly crowded restroom, she tries to find her way back to the bar without being shoved by the already drunk crowd.

But a hand grips her wrist firmly. The touch is oddly familiar, and she knows who it is before looking. Still, she wishes to be wrong, while somewhere in the back of her mind she also wishes to be right.

She takes a deep breath and turns around to find out she was right.

"Hey, stranger", Castiel says.

[| strangers |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W3y4VS_ZtM)


	2. Crowstorm, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey talks to Castiel for the first time in a long time. Then, after being ditched by Nathaniel, she runs into him in a strange situation.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KnStsyAGCs)

"Hey, stranger", Castiel says.

For a second, Hailey thinks her heart might leap out of her chest. It's beating so hard it's almost painful.

He lets go of her arm without any hurry. His expression is chill and unreadable, but his eyes have a very discomforting intensity.

"Hey", she replies, flashing him a tiny nervous smile as she attempts to calm herself down.

Then, he tries to say something, but she can't quite make out what he's saying due to all the chit-chatter around them and the music the DJ is playing.

"What?"

Castiel leans forward to talk close to her ear, causing her heart to go crazy again.

"You didn't tell me you were back in town."

She briefly considers coming up with excuses, but decides against it. He would see right through her bullshit, like he always did.

"...Sorry."

When a hint of a smile appears on his lips, she figures she gave a good enough answer.

"So here you are at one of my concerts, without even warning me", he says.

She shrugs.

"It was a bit of a last minute decision."

A crowd of fans starts to gather around them. There are even girls holding out pens to Castiel, begging him to sign their T-shirts.

"Surreal", Hailey says.

Castiel looks at the girls, who immediately squeal.

"Do you want to go talk someplace a little calmer...?"

"Yeah", she replies without thinking.

It's probably not a good idea. Nathaniel is waiting for her. Or... is he? Maybe he's entertained with the bartender girl. Or any other girl, really. Maybe there's no point in worrying about it.

Still, Hailey can't help but glance back anxiously once they've made their way through the crowd and towards the backstage area. As she does so, her eyes land on her roommate. Yeleen is glaring daggers at her. _Right. She's a Castiel fangirl._

Unable to resist the temptation to get some small revenge, Hailey waves at Yeleen, a victorious smirk on her face. And, with her reaction, Hailey would drop dead right then and there if looks could kill. She laughs quietly to herself, savoring her moment of triumph.

She pointlessly shoots one last anxious look towards the bar, which she can't even see through all the people standing in the way, as Castiel drags her into a backroom, away from the noise of the bar and in the middle of the band's instruments.

"What's wrong? Is someone waiting for you?"

Castiel's voice bring Hailey's attention to where they are. Cables are snaking all over the floor and the club employees are busy getting all the equipment off the stage. Castiel is leaning against a wall, watching her with an expressionless face, arms folded across his chest.

"Sort of", she replies.

"Are you on a date? I don't wanna get in the w-"

"Nothing like that", she replies a bit too fast. "I came with a classmate. We were hanging out with Alex and Rosa, but then I lost sight of them and..."

"...And?"

She averts her eyes.

"I ran into Nathaniel."

"...Oh."

A moment of awkward silence passes by before Hailey decides to end it.

"I'm happy to see you", she honestly says.

Castiel glares at her.

"So happy that contacting me to tell you were back didn't even cross your mind."

She swallows hard, anger bottling up inside her. She should've expected a snappy answer from him.

"I didn't think you'd care", she blurts out.

He doesn't answer right away. He just looks at her coldly the way he's so good at doing. She had almost forgotten what that feels like.

She sighs.

"Is that why you brought me backstage? So we could fight?"

He averts his eyes.

"...No."

"Then stop giving me the attitude." She looks away from him as well, frowning. "Gosh, you're still so fucking moody..."

After a brief silence, she hears him chuckle. She turns to glare at him, but all the anger fades away as she sees the delight dancing in his eyes. She tries to fight back a smile, but fails miserably.

"What?"

"Nothing", he says, an amused smile lingering on his lips.

"You still make no sense, I see."

"Says you." Then, he sighs. "Well, you were always awkward with social etiquette. I suppose I can let that slide."

"Thank you for your kindness, oh, mighty Castiel", she replies in a snarky tone.

He laughs.

"Let's start over, okay? So... You're back in town. It's nice to see you", he attempts to sound sarcastic, but she can tell there's truth to his words.

"Nice to see you as well", she imitates his tone. "Lovely concert."

"Thank you, I do strive to put on a good show."

Her smile becomes a bit more genuine.

"You did. The whole suspense thing at the start was brilliant by the way. Whose idea was that?"

He gives her a cocky smile.

"Mine."

She almost instantly regrets what she said.

"Maybe I shouldn't have been so complimentary then."

"Too late."

She looks down at his arms.

"I see you got the tattoos you dreamed of."

"I did. You like them?"

She shrugs.

"They're not bad."

"So, black hair..."

"Oh? Didn't think you'd notice."

"Well, with you being so pale it certainly stands out."

"You don't like it then?"

"It's not bad."

She snickers.

"Jerk."

They give each other amused smiles. It's just like the old times, isn't it? The witty banter, the fake indifference... Well, maybe not exactly like the old times. Castiel would always win before. Now Hailey feels like she's on his level. And it feels amazing.

Hailey suddenly remembers how powerful he looked on stage and how intimate he was with the microphone. That was a bit surprising. There was a time when his voice was just for her.

"So... You sing on stage now", she points out.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"Screw you."

He snickers before letting out a sigh.

"I never managed to find someone to replace Lysander once he wasn't around anymore, so I pretty much had to do it. Surprisingly, I ended up liking it a lot. I don't hate my voice so much anymore."

Hailey snorts. It's ridiculous to think that he doesn't like his own voice. It's beautiful.

"I've always known you'd make a good vocalist."

He smiles knowingly.

"Yeah, you told me that a few times."

Suddenly remembering she left Nathaniel waiting, she glances nervously at the exit.

"I... I should probably go."

His expression becomes cold again.

"Sure. You don't want to keep Mr. Edgy waiting." He walks up to the door that is ajar and glances through it. "The crowd's a lot smaller now. And I really want a cold beer. So I'll let you get back to your evening."

Before she can answer, Castiel leaves her standing there and heads out to the bar. Well, he is certainly still rude.

She watches him cross the bar. Everyone turns around as he goes by. Unbelievable. He really is a celebrity now.

Her eyes scan the bar in search of someone else, but Nathaniel is nowhere to be seen. _Great._

She decides to walk out of the tiny room to at least try and find her friends. But she doesn't even have to look. As soon as she leaves, Rosalya pounces on her, a glass of white wine in her hand. And she looks pretty drunk.

"Well, there you are! Couldn't find you in this crowd! So what'd you think of the concert?"

"Pretty good. I actually just ran into-"

"Look, Cass is over there! Come on, let's go say hi!"

"Rosa, wait!" Hailey trails after her drunken friend, who zigzags her way to Castiel.

"Hey Cass!" She yells.

Hailey looks around in embarrassment, considering pretending she doesn't know her.

Castiel, who is already surrounded by girls who seem to be congratulating him, disentangles himself from them and walks up to Rosalya and Hailey.

"So, what's the deal?" Rosa gestures towards him, almost spilling her wine. "You don't say hello to your old friends anymore?"

He gives them an amused smile.

"Well, someone seems to be enjoying the evening."

"Yeah, she went a bit overboard", Hailey comments.

Castiel's eyes land on her.

"Thought you were going back to Nathaniel."

"What?!" Rosa stares at Hailey in shock. "So you abandoned us to talk to _him_? Shame on you! Well, either way, he just left with a pretty redhead."

Hailey attempts to hide her disappointment. So he left with the bartender after asking her to hang out with him. Wonderful.

"A pretty redhead?" Castiel grins. "But I'm standing right here!"

Hailey quirks an eyebrow at him while Rosa giggles.

"Good one, Cassy!"

Hailey looks around and spots Alexy, Chani and Morgan near the entrance.

"There they are."

She ignores Rosa's protests as she takes the glass of wine from her hand and hands it to Castiel.

"I should probably take this drunkard home." She grabs Rosa's arm. "So... Yeah, bye."

"Wait."

He walks away briefly to talk to the one bartender who's left as he sets the glass of wine on the counter. The bartender gives him a napkin and a pen and he writes something down before walking back towards Hailey and offering her the napkin.

"What's that?" She looks at the napkin in confusion as she asks even though it's clearly a phone number.

"The alphabet. What does it look like?"

"Well, your response looks like an attempt to cover your damaged pride for giving me your number."

He gives her a lopsided smirk.

"Then it's your turn to hurt your pride. If you don't wanna lose touch with me again, that is."

Hailey snickers.

"I'll think about it."

He nods, and it might be the coolest nod she's ever seen.

"See you around, little girl."

Her heart skips a beat at the familiar nickname, and she can't help but wonder if that will happen. If they will actually see each other around. As much as she hates to admit it even to herself, she would like that very much.

"Morgan! It's soooo nice to see you!" Rosa beams as she staggers towards them.

Alexy stares at her in shock.

"Wow."

"Yeah, I guess Rosa hit the bottle a bit hard tonight", Hailey points out.

Alexy's eyes land on Hailey.

"And you! Where the hell have you been?"

"Oh, sorry, I was-"

"She was with Nathaniel", Rosa blurts out.

" _What?_ " Alexy gives Hailey a disapproving look.

"Who?" Chani looks between them in confusion, but no one bothers to answer.

"Doesn't matter", Hailey says. "Seems like he left with the bartender girl."

Alexy rolls his eyes.

"Of course he did."

"You should stay away from him, Hailey. Shady. No good", Rosa advises in her drunken worry.

"Rosa!" Alexy reprimands her. "Don't you know that's the best way to make her chase someone?"

Rosa shrugs.

"Oops."

After Alexy and Morgan promise to take Rosa home, Hailey walks out of the bar with Chani. A lot of people are sitting on the sidewalk, holding beers, while others are still huddled together in front of the entrance like penguins.

Once they take a few steps away from the crowd, Hailey recognizes a voice down the street. She sees two familiar silhouettes walking away.

She freezes. It's Nathaniel and Amber. _Wait, didn't Nathaniel leave with the bartender?_

"That's Nathaniel", she tells Chani.

"Oh. Is that the bartender?"

"No, that's his sister. I... I think something's wrong..."

"You can go help if you want, I don't mind."

Hailey gives her a puzzled look. Does she want to help? She thought she was over that habit.

"Go", Chani says, as if reading her mind.

"You'll walk back on your own?"

"Yeah, it's close, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll text you when I arrive", Chani tells her.

Hailey smiles lightly, relieved she didn't have to ask.

"Okay. Thanks."

"Text me too."

"I will."

As Hailey gets closer to the siblings, she can make out what they're saying.

"Even though I told you! What the hell are you doing?!" Nathaniel seems to be scolding Amber.

"Take me home", she asks in a weak voice.

"It's the third time this week, I've had it! Next time I-"

"I... I think I'm gonna..."

Hailey gasps as Amber falls into Nathaniel's arms, her body growing limp.

"Amber!" Hailey and him scream at the same time, which causes him to look in Hailey's direction as she runs up to them.

"Hailey?"

She grabs one of Amber's arms and helps Nathaniel sit her down on the sidewalk so that she's leaning against a wall. _Is she drunk?_

Nathaniel leans over towards her.

"Geez, Amber! Wake up now, come on!"

"What's wrong with her? Do you want me to call-"

"Dammit!" He takes her hand gently and lays two fingers on her wrist to check her pulse. "Amber, can you hear me?"

"Yeah", she answers in a drowsy voice, but doesn't really sound drunk. "I'm okay... I'm feeling better..."

"Do you want me to call 911?" Hailey turns to Nathaniel. "Or maybe get her some wat-"

"I get by just fine on my own", he briskly interrupts. "Come on, Amber."

He puts her hand around her waist and raises her arm over his shoulder. Hailey hurries to the other side and holds onto her as well.

"Get out of the way, I'm gonna take her home."

"Shut your mouth and let me help."

"You surely have something better to do than stick around me."

She frowns at him.

" _What?_ "

"Nath", Amber mumbles. "She just wants to help."

"Yes, she always does, doesn't she?"

Hailey feels a spark of anger at his remark, but decides it's not a good moment to fight. Nathaniel probably figures that out too, because he stays quiet for the rest of the way.

Eventually they stop in front of a house in a street Hailey didn't know until then.

"Here it is", Nathaniel says.

"This is her place?"

"Yes. I mean, it's her friend's place, whatever, for now she's here."

Despite feeling tempted to ask why, Hailey decides it's best not to.

"I'll handle the rest", he says.

"Alright. Well, you have my number now. If you need something, call me."

Hailey turns around to walk away.

"Hailey", he calls.

She looks over her shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"...You're welcome."

As soon as she steps into the campus, she pulls out her phone to find a text from Chani from a few minutes ago.

**Chani: Arrived just fine. No werewolf attacks**

Hailey snickers to herself. What a weirdo. Then, she starts typing a reply.

**Hailey: No werewolves for me too**

As she puts the phone back into her purse and continues walking, her fingers brush against the napkin Castiel gave her. A weird feeling appears in her stomach as she considers texting him. No, it's probably a bad idea.

As she reaches the elevator, she decides she should at least save his number. Right? Just in case. In case... something happens. No idea what.

She saves the number and quickly sticks the napkin and the phone back into her purse before she does anything stupid.

She steps into her now quiet and dark room, wondering what was wrong with Amber. Yeleen is probably asleep alrady.

Hailey's thoughts drift back to Castiel as she wonders if it'd really be stupid to text him. Well, maybe it's only fair that she texts him so he can save her number as well? Seems reasonable.

**Hailey: Hailey here. Save the number**

Carrying her phone with her, she goes to the bathroom to take off her makeup, brush her teeth and take a shower before heading to bed. While she's in the shower, the phone vibrates, making her heart race immediately. She tries to hold back and not look at it until she's done showering, but she just has to.

**Castiel: Saved. Glad you texted**

_What does he mean? It was only so he could save the number. Right?_

She bites her lower lip as she remembers how awesome he was on stage. Maybe he deserves a bit more. Just maybe.

**Hailey: You were badass today. I'm proud of you.**

The reply arrives in a matter of seconds.

**Castiel: I know.**

She laughs to herself. What a jerk.

Deciding not to say anything else, she gets back under the shower. While she's there, she hears the phone vibrating again. _Castiel?_

This time she resists the temptation and finishes showering before checking her phone. It's not from Castiel. It's from a number that's not in her contacts.

**Unknown number: Hey, it's Nathaniel. Let me know if you arrived safe**

Her jaw drops slightly. She wasn't expecting that. Specially after the way he treated her. She briefly considers not responding, but ultimately decides it's a considerate enough text to deserve a reply. So she saves the number and types one.

**Hailey: I did. Thanks for asking**

Shortly after, a reply arrives.

**Nathaniel: Good. It was nice to see you. We should hang out sometime**

She frowns. _Really?_ He would probably be with the redheaded bartender if it wasn't for Amber. After asking _her_ to hang out with him. He was simply walking off with another girl. And then he was rude to her. No apology, no explanations, nothing.

She decides he doesn't deserve a reply.


	3. Blondie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey runs into Nathaniel at the gym.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on the gym scene, with many changes.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDk9kkV0uzQ)

Having decided to visit the gym to greet Kim, who she heard was the manager, Hailey takes the opportunity to run on the treadmill a bit to let off some steam. When she hears a regular thumping sound behind her, it takes her a while to figure out it's not part of the music she's listening to. After taking off her headphones, she confirms that.

She makes the silly decision to glance behind her while running, which almost causes her to fall, but she somehow manages to regain her balance. Despite the scare, the glance is enough to see a blonde shirtless man punching a bag. _Is that Nathaniel?_

She turns off the treadmill and turns around, taking a few steps forward to see better. It really is Nathaniel. He's hitting a punchbag with surprising rage. It's intimidating, but it's... kinda hot.

Deciding it's probably best not to disturb him, she turns around to go back to the machines. They'll most likely run into each other when he's finished anyway.

"Hailey?" His voice sounds breathy from all the effort.

Hailey freezes for a moment before turning around.

"Hey, Nath."

"You were just going to turn around and pretend you didn't see me?" Despite the question, the expression on his face is fairly playful.

She shrugs, smiling apologetically.

"I wouldn't dare to disrupt your training."

"Then how come you just did?"

She narrows her eyes at him.

"Well, maybe I should go back to my workout then and stop bothering you."

"You can watch, if you want. If you can do that in silence, that is."

She snorts.

"Just admit that you want me to watch."

"I'm not one to complain about good-looking women watching me."

She walks closer to the boxing ring with a chilly smile.

"You think you're so smooth now, don't you? Drop the act. You're just Nathaniel to me."

"You say that like being Nathaniel means so little."

"On the contrary." Her smile becomes a bit sweeter. "It means just enough." She then leans against the ring. "Now show me what you've got, blondie."

He raises his eyebrows.

"Blondie? Seriously?" Then, he smirks. "And that request... Careful what you ask for", he says with a playful head movement that looks especially attractive when he's panting.

Without ceremony, he resumes punching the poor bag with a scary amount of strength. But, this time, instead of looking enraged, he looks like he's showing off. Which he probably is. While it's a bit silly, it's also a bit cute.

Hailey gladly watches as his muscles move under his skin and his slick hair dances along while he throws punches and kicks.

"Have you been boxing for long?" She asks when he pauses briefly for air.

He sighs.

"I figured it would be impossible."

"What?"

"For you to watch in silence."

She raises her eyebrows.

"Well then, I'll just leave you to it."

She turns around and begins to walk away.

"Hailey, wait."

She smirks to herself before turning around with an angry mask on.

" _What_?"

"It's okay, I was almost finished."

He removes his boxing gloves and grabs a bottle of water as he sits on the edge of the ring, letting his legs dangle. He takes a few desperate sips of water before starting to throw the rest of it on his head and chest. Then, he stops himself.

"Oh, sorry." He holds out the bottle to her. "Do you want some?"

She would usually say no mainly out of spite, but she does feel thirsty, and the drinks are a bit too far away. And she would probably have to pay for them. _Note to self: bring water next time._

"Yeah. Thanks."

She walks up to him and takes the bottle from his hand, attempting to ignore the water that's dripping down his hair, chest and abs now. Averting her eyes from him, she focuses on drinking the water, avoiding letting it touch her mouth on purpose, just to send his a message that says there are boundaries.

Although she isn't looking at him, she can feel his eyes fixated on her the entire time while she stands in front of him, drinking water. She suddenly feels self-conscious, wondering if it seems sexual in any way, so she stops. When she looks at him, he's looking at her with an interest that confirms her suspicions.

"You can just drink directly from the bottle, I'm not fussy about that sort of thing", he says.

"Oh. I'm done anyway."

She hands him the bottle before sitting next to him, letting her back rest against the ring's ropes while Nathaniel has them in front of his torso.

"So... You were saying?"

"Right. I was asking if you've been boxing for a long time", she says, avoiding his gaze.

"Pretty long, yeah... I was already boxing back in high school."

"Oh, really? I didn't know that."

"I didn't wanna tell anyone until I was good at it. Anyway, it was more of a hobby. But after school I started getting into it a bit more seriously. It's great for letting off steam and defending yourself."

"Seems like it. Glad you found a sport you like. I mostly just casually jog. Took some dancing classes while I was out of town, which was fun, but now without my parents around I can't really afford that sort of thing..."

"Oh? What style of dancing?"

She gives him a hesitant look before laughing.

"Oh, just, you know, dancing..."

He raises an eyebrow.

"You don't wanna tell me."

She sighs.

"It's just that some dance styles are very stigmatized. I've gotten some annoying reactions to it before."

"Come on, I won't judge."

"Nor say anything sexual?"

"Nothing at all. You have my word."

She studies his face. He seems overly curious, but he also seems sincere.

"Fair enough. I took pole dance classes."

Although a bit disconcerting, the look on his face is priceless. His eyes widen slightly and he attempts to fight back a grin. Then, he attempts to cover his reaction by bringing the bottle to his lips and downing the remaining water.

"You're totally sexualizing it. You said you wouldn't sexualize it."

"Actually, I said I wouldn't _say_ anything sexual."

"Ugh." She looks away from him, slightly embarrassed.

"Hey, it's still a dance form and a sport. All good."

"So you don't think it's a stripper thing? Everyone thinks it's a stripper thing."

He laughs.

"It's a thing some strippers do. Doesn't mean it's a stripper thing."

"Alright then, that's a good enough answer for me not to hate you."

"It's a shame you had to stop practicing. Maybe I could ask Kim to place a pole in here."

She sends him a glare.

"If you're about to say it's so you can watch-"

"I would never say that." He smirks.

"...Right."

"So, your parents were okay with that? I mean, they were the ones paying, right?"

"I told them it was contemporary dance."

"No way! _You_ , little miss perfect, lying to your parents like that?"

She sighs.

"I wanted to avoid conflict but at the same time I didn't want to continue with my habit of trying to please everyone. I think you know how tiring that gets."

"I know that way too well."

Memories of what Nathaniel went through pass through her mind, but she decides not to mention it. He's probably thinking about the same thing, judging from the awkward silence that settles in. But he soon decides to break the silence.

"You didn't reply to my text."

Hailey raises her eyebrows.

"Well, I don't know if you remember it, but you had already asked me to hang out before. Then you ditched me."

"You ditched me first", he says. "I saw you talking to Castiel."

Hailey bites her lower lip. _Oh._

"Either way, it's not a good reason for you to just walk out with the bartender without at least letting me know."

"So you know about that, huh?" He sighs. "Either way, I got caught up with something else. You know that, you were there."

Hailey gives him a hesitant look.

"...How's Amber?"

"She's doing well."

"What happened that night? She didn't seem drunk to me."

"Doesn't matter. I handled it. Everything's fine."

She lets out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine. Don't tell me."

"Something tells me you'll try to find out anyway."

"I like to believe I know better now than to butt into everyone's lives."

He gives her an amused smirk.

"Do you?"

"Oh, shush."

After laughing quietly, Nathaniel sighs, looking into the horizon.

"I thought you were leaving with Castiel that night."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you have history? I don't know."

She lets out a brief dark chuckle.

"Fuck history."

"Funny thing for an art history major to say."

She shrugs.

"I suppose I'm a contradictory creature."

"I admire your self-awareness."

"Oh, you should try it sometime. Maybe you'd actually make some progress instead of walking around playing Casanova."

He snorts.

"I am very self-aware, thank you very much."

"If you say so..."


	4. Unfriendly Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey receives a surprise visit at work... or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Candy's passivevevess in this scene (in the game) bothered me, so I decided to give it a bit of a twist.

As Castiel settles down his now empty coffee cup, he looks at Hailey.

"So, how much do I-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake", a familiar voice interrupts them.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSq0Mxw4ztA)

Hailey looks up as Castiel whips his head around to see Nathaniel behind him, approaching them and frowning as he stares at him.

"Hey, Nath", Hailey says in an exasperated voice.

As if her first day of running the café alone hadn't been lively enough already. First Castiel showing up, then Nina with her gang of highschoolers, and now Nathaniel - _in Castiel's presence_.

"Here I was planning on sitting down for a coffee... I guess I'll go somewhere else", Nathaniel says.

"I knew I should've left earlier", Castiel retorts as he stands up. "This café definitely attracts a bad crowd."

"I see you two are stuck in high school." Hailey gives them a disapproving look.

The corner of Castiel's mouth twitches slightly at the comment, but he doesn't look at Hailey. His eyes are fixated on Nathaniel as he stands tall, looking down at Nathaniel despite them having nearly the same height due to the way he's lifting his chin defiantly. Hailey can't help but feel like punching him. She hates it when he acts like he's above everyone. She's always hated it.

"I'm surprised to find the local starlet here, I thought that this was a sleazy place for high school kids", Nathaniel says to Castiel, completely ignoring Hailey's remark. His voice is full of venom.

"How nice for the sleazy place's waitress", Hailey angrily replies, finally earning a look from Nathaniel. An unreadable one, but still a look.

"In any case, this place is nowhere near as sleazy as the ones where you usually hang out", Castiel says.

"Castiel, stop", Hailey says, earning nothing but a smirk from him.

Nathaniel clenches his fists and his jaw.

"What do you mean?"

Castiel's smirk widens.

"Oh, looks like I hit a soft spot. We know that wherever you find junkies, you'll find Natha-"

"Shut the fuck up!"

Nathaniel shoves the table between them towards Castiel, causing Hailey to gasp in surprise.

_That's it._

Hailey hurries inside the café to get a bottle of water.

"Careful what you say", she hears Nathaniel hissing outside.

"Or what?"

"Otherwise you won't be in any shape to get the girls all wound up from up on stage."

She marches outside while opening the bottle, ignoring the pain from the burn she got on her hand earlier.

"I'd like to see that."

"Oh really? Fine." He throws aside the chair that was between them and grabs Castiel by his jacket collar.

**Splash.**

Like magic, the water forces both of them to snap out of their hateful trance. Nathaniel and Castiel whip their heads around and stare at Hailey with wide eyes, frozen in place.

" _What the fuck_ , Hailey?!" Castiel snaps at her.

Hailey's own anger doesn't allow her to rejoice in dousing them with water and having them give her that freaked out look.

" _I_ should be the one asking you that." She raises her voice. "Asking _both_ of you that. You come to my workplace and behave like kids with anger management issues? Right on the day I'm running it alone? Who do you think you are? Are you trying to get me fired? Because if you do that you better be ready to give me a good fucking monthly allowance! _Jerks_."

As a stunned silence settles in, Nathaniel slowly lets go of Castiel's collar, as if he's afraid Hailey will hit him if he makes any sudden movements.

"That's better", Hailey says, giving them a fake smile that she hopes comes across as very creepy. Then, she picks up Castiel's empty cup. "I should take this inside now. And, when I come back, I hope you're both gone. Got it?"

She doesn't wait for an answer before turning around and walking inside.

Once she's inside, she steals a beer from the fridge and leans against the sink, sighing. Looks like they're both showing up in her life only to bring chaos. Just like old times.

Castiel walks in just in time to catch her taking slightly desperate sips of beer.

Tensing up, she pulls down the bottle and is about to ask him what he's still doing there.

"Save it." He then sets money on the counter. "Whatever the difference is, you can keep the change for the trouble."

He then walks away, leaving a stunned Hailey behind.

Was that an apology? Seems like a very veiled one, but it's still progress compared to how he used to be.

Hailey picks up her beer again and drinks the rest of it a bit too fast. Then, she walks outside to check if they're really gone.

Considering what Castiel did, it's very likely that he left. But maybe Nathaniel didn't. And maybe a part of her wishes to find Nathaniel still there, even though she'd have to act angry about it.

Hailey is faced with her disappointment as she sees no one at the outside area of the café. They're both gone for sure. However, she has one pleasant surprise. The table and the chairs that Nathaniel messed up are now perfectly back in place. But there is no clue as to which one of them fixed the mess. However, considering the fact that it was Nathaniel who made the mess and the fact that Castiel already did his weird apology, the idea of Nathaniel fixing the mess is the most likely one. Unless Castiel has changed very drastically - which doesn't really seem to be the case -, he would be too proud to fix the mess someone else made. Specially if that someone is Nathaniel.

Once Hailey is done cleaning up, her stomach begins to rumble. So she goes to the kitchen in search of something to eat.

Her eyebrows knit together as she spots a tupperware with a post-it stuck on top inside the big refrigerator.

**I figured you'd be hungry, so I made you an ancestral dish that my family has kept the secret for from generation to generation. Enjoy. -H**

"Awwww!" She smiles. "Hyun, you're so cute!"

She opens the tupperware to find another post-it stuck on the other side of the lid.

**Mac and cheese! Ok, I don't have Rosalya's talent but I hope it'll do.**

She giggles, but the giddyness quickly goes away as she remembers Castiel, Nathaniel and their confrontation from moments ago.

Then, she sighs.

_Why can't I like guys like Hyun?_

[| bad boys |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfU4avsz6IY)


	5. Good Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey surprisingly finds Nathaniel in class. Then, she is suprised once again to see Castiel, who brings back some memories...

Realizing class hasn't even started yet, Hailey feels a twinge of annoyance for having been in a hurry, worrying about being late. One more proof that trying to do things right doesn't pay off.

The room isn't full. There are only about a dozen students. So there are drop-outs already. Hailey feels slightly tempted to drop out too.

_Keep the extra credit in mind, Haley._

Just as Hailey is sitting down, the teacher walks in.

"Hello, hello!" She has a huge smile on her face. "I see there are a few motivated students who keep coming to my classes... I sincerely hope it's not just for the few extra points it'll get you at the end of the year!"

_Oops._

"Hey, I think I'll sit here", a familiar voice says beside her.

She whips her head to find Nathaniel standing there, smiling at her. Torn between being happy to see him and still being upset about the whole thing with Castiel at the café, she smiles with only one side of her mouth.

"So you actually attend classes on campus?"

He lets out a sigh as he glances at his sister, who is standing next to him.

"I was forced."

"Sit down!" Amber glares at him. "You're not allowed to leave until class is over."

Both of them sit down next to Hailey, one on each side. _Well, now class definitely won't be boring._

Hailey glances at Amber. She looks healthy and relaxed. Apparently she's recovered from whatever was happening after Castiel's concert.

"I see some faces I've never seen before", the teacher says. "So, a reminder: I draw a topic from the idea box and we talk about it during the whole class. And, when you leave at the end, don't forget to put a topic in the box."

Hailey hears Nathaniel chuckle beside her.

"Now that's a fun idea."

He said that a bit loud, causing some people to turn to look at him.

"Please keep a low profile", Amber murmurs.

"So today's topic will be..." The teacher pulls a paper from the idea box. "...How to use a condom."

Several people giggle.

"Seems to me we already covered this topic back in high school", Nathaniel comments in a much lower volume as he leans to the side to get closer to Hailey. "If you want to review the topic, I can help."

She gives him a disdainful look.

"With, you know, practical lessons", he adds, just in case it wasn't clear.

"Say something like that to me again and I'll shut you up by putting a condom on your head."

He forces himself to laugh as quietly as possible, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Which head?"

"Shut up, Nathaniel", Amber hisses. "I didn't bring you to class for you to screw everything up."

Hailey presses her lips together to stop herself from laughing, incredibly amused by the role reversal from the high school years, when Nathaniel would try to stop Amber from causing trouble instead.

"You heard your sister", she says to him.

"Quiet down in the back, please", the teacher says, causing Hailey to stiffen up a bit, although there are still leftovers of a smile on her lips.

"You keep on drawing attention to us", Amber whispers to her brother.

"I said I'd come to make you happy", he whispers back. "I didn't say I'd behave."

She lets out a long sigh.

"As I was saying, in case you didn't know it, I leave brochures on my desk", the teacher continues. "It's always smart to stay informed about the benefits and limitations of this type of contraception. Now I'm going to pick another, more serious topic."

Hailey watches Nathaniel from the corners of her eyes as he crosses his arms and waits, a sassy smile on his face.

"Now here's an interesting topic: time management when writing your thesis."

Nathaniel pretends to snore loudly enough for a few students who are close to hear, earning an elbow on the ribs from Amber, which causes him to flinch a bit but he still snickers.

Hailey pulls out her phone and gives him a pointed look to indicate that she's about to text him. He takes the hint pretty quickly, grabbing his phone eagerly as she is just starting to type.

**Hailey: Nath, why are you being a jerk?**

Nathaniel raises his eyebrows as he types his reply.

**Nathaniel: Me, a jerk? I didn't douse you with water**

**Hailey: Yeah, sorry about that...**

**Nathaniel: You're not really sorry.**

**Hailey: You're right, I'm not**

She catches him sending her a smirk. Then, she decides to send another text to satisfy her curiosity. But by asking directly she might get him to admit to something he didn't do only to look good. She doesn't trust this new Nathaniel enough yet.

**Hailey: Did you do something while I was inside the café?**

**Nathaniel: Fixing the mess I made, you mean?**

Hailey smirks.

**Hailey: So it was you.**

**Nathaniel: What sort of enigmatic question was that? You thought I'd lie about it if it wasn't me?**

**Hailey: I was just being cautious**

**Nathaniel: So you don't trust me.**

She glances at him. He gives her a serious look.

She bites her lip as she types another text.

**Hailey: Not fully, no. Sorry**

**Nathaniel: That's probably wise**

She sends him a questioning look, but his expression is unreadable. Once she notices he's texting again, she turns her attention back to her phone.

**Nathaniel: Anyway, I thought it was fair to fix the mess I made. You didn't deserve to deal with that. With any of that**

She gives him a warm smile.

**Hailey: Maybe you haven't changed as much as you try to convey**

**Nathaniel: Is that supposed to be a good thing?**

**Hailey: Yes. Your sense of justice was always one of the things I admired the most about you**

His eyes widen very discretely. But he doesn't look back at her nor text back for a while, making her wonder what's going on in his head.

Then, she notices him typing, but holds back until her phone vibrates to pretend like she wasn't paying attention.

**Nathaniel: Your little outburst was kinda hot**

Hailey feels like her eyebrows nearly reach the top of her head. _Hot?_

As the teacher looks directly at them, they both play innocent by letting go of their phones and looking forward. Then, once her gaze has gone somewhere else, they exchange cheeky looks before Hailey starts typing.

**Hailey: Excuse me?**

**Nathaniel: You look sexy when you're angry**

She looks at him and scoffs, earning an amused look from him.

Then, she decides to end their conversation and pay attention to class. Well, at least she pretends to. For some reason, it's hard to focus with him by her side. Well, the annoying remarks he keeps making are certainly part of the reason. But only a part of it.

As Hailey and Nathaniel step out onto the campus quad after class, they spot Castiel surrounded by a group of girls who are asking for his autograph and making small talk.

Nathaniel scoffs.

"He's pathetic."

As if he can hear him, Castiel looks in their direction. His expression becomes strained for a moment in a way that only someone who knows him well could notice, but he quickly puts his cool mask back on and ignores Hailey and Nathaniel.

Meanwhile, Hailey tries to ignore her racing heart. She didn't expect to see him again so soon, specially on campus.

When one of the girls pulls out her phone and insists on taking a selfie, Hailey can clearly read Castiel's annoyance on his face.

"He's hating it", she says.

"What?" Nathaniel gives her an incredulous look. "I doubt it."

"Just watch. He's about to give them an excuse to walk away."

At that moment, Castiel seems to excuse himself and starts walking towards them. Nathaniel immediately tenses up beside Hailey.

"Is he really gonna have the nerve to come here?"

"Nath, behave. Please."

"No need, I was about to leave anyway. You're not coming with me, are you?"

Hailey opens her mouth to speak as she gives him a conflicted look, but no words come out.

"Yeah, thought so." He averts his eyes, angry sparks practically shooting out of them.

"Hey." Castiel casually stops in front of them, hands in his pockets. Hailey can't tell whether his nonchalant tone is to tick off Nathaniel or to avoid conflict.

"Hey", she mumbles, glancing at Nathaniel nervously.

"Well, I should go now." Nathaniel pastes on a smirk as he turns to Hailey.

Before she knows what's happening, he touches her chin in a flirty way.

"I'll call you", he says with a wink.

Then, he walks away, leaving a very confused Hailey behind. Despite it being very clear that he was putting on an act, she can't help but feel the lingering sensation of his touch as he walks away.

"What was that about?" Castiel frowns lightly, a twinge of annoyance in his voice.

Hailey shrugs.

"No idea."

"What a fucking loser."

She feels the urge to defend Nathaniel for some reason, but gets distracted as she sees Castiel's fangirls walking away while glancing back to glare daggers at her.

"You've got quite the fan club."

"Yeah", he says in a tired voice as he sits down on the back of a bench nearby, his feet on the seat. He sighs.

Hailey fights back a laugh.

"I see you still like to challenge the traditional sitting rules."

He smirks.

"I see you still notice silly details."

_Silly details about you._

"I'd say it's a pretty noticeable thing", she retorts as she sits (like a regular person) next to him. "Makes it so clear that you're desperate to stand out as a rebel..."

Castiel chuckles.

"Whatever."

She leans back, throwing her head onto the back of the bench and consequently narrowing her eyes due to the brightness of the sky. Then, she tilts her head to look at him, and sees that he's already looking at her. _Was he watching me?_

"I'm surprised to see you here", she says.

"We're recording the next album here in town, so... I'm staying around for a while."

Hailey turns her gaze back to the overly bright sky.

"I see... Hm, I don't think I know anyone else doing a bachelor's in music theory here..."

"Surprising since we're in the same building as you."

"Oh, really? Maybe I should pay more attention."

"Yeah, clearly you've been in the wrong company."

"Stop it", she says.

They both go silent for a moment before Hailey tilts her head to look at him again. This time, he's not looking at her. He has this familiar deliberately focused gaze on the horizon that tells her he's avoiding looking at her.

"Hey Cass."

"Hm?" He finally looks at her from the corners of his eyes.

"Sorry for the water thing."

He stares at her quietly for a moment before surprisingly letting out a very brief chuckle.

"It's fine. You weren't wrong."

Hailey sits up straight, widening her eyes at him.

"No way..."

"What?"

"Did you just... admit I was right?"

He scoffs.

"Didn't say that. I said you weren't wrong."

"Which means I was right!"

"Not necessarily."

"What a historical day!"

"Shut up, will you?"

Hailey laughs before giving him a pensive look.

"Funny. You've changed but at the same time you haven't."

"Well, I'd say you've changed considerably", he replies.

"You haven't seen much though."

"I've seen enough to know that."

The quiet moment while they longingly stare at each other is interrupted as Hailey has the eerie feeling of being watched. She looks around. Then she spots some bystanders gawking at them.

"Yep... Felt weird at first, but I don't pay attention to it anymore", Castiel says.

"You know what the weirdest part is?"

"What?"

"I keep forgetting that you're a celebrity now. To me you're just good old Castiel. Well... Old Castiel. 'Good' is a bit of a stretch", she teases.

He chuckles.

"Yeah, we both know that-" He stops himself and presses his lips together, but he's unable to stop his cheeky smile.

Hailey stares at him with suspicion.

"Go on."

"Nah, forget it."

"Since when are you scared of saying what you want to say?"

"I'm not _scared_ ", he says, slightly offended. "I just don't think it's... convenient."

"I don't remember you having a problem with being inconvenient either."

He sighs.

"Fine." He turns his body towards her a bit and gives her a defiant look. "I was about to say that we both know that _you_ were the good one. A good girl."

Hailey presses her teeth together to stop her jaw from dropping, but her eyes certainly betray her shock. Old memories come back in a wave. Memories of Castiel and her in bed. And in other places too. Of Castiel choking her and ordering her around during sex, and saying 'good girl' when she obeyed.

To her dispair, her face starts to feel very warm. She's probably blushing. _Shit._

"Thank you for this lovely awkward moment." She averts her eyes.

"I warned you." His voice is full of victory and delight.

She forces her muscles to relax a bit and puts on a cool mask.

"Well, hearing that doesn't work for me anymore", she says. But it's a complete lie. It totally turned her on.

"And why not?"

She gives him a chilly smirk.

"I'm afraid I am no longer a good girl."

"Yeah? We'll see about that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Take a chill pill, will you? You read too much into things. I'm not trying to get into your pants."

"Good. Because you'd fail miserably."

Castiel looks away from her with an annoying smirk on his lips, but doesn't say anything.

Hailey looks around, trying to forget about the awkward moment, only to once again meet the stares of curious strangers.

"Don't you find it at least a little bit flattering?" She looks at him, relieved to finally change the topic, even if she's changing it back to the previous one. "All the attention."

He takes a moment to think before finally responding.

"I don't know. Maybe a little bit. It's still mostly annoying. But, if that's the price to pay to do what I love, then so be it."

Hailey smiles discretely, mainly to herself. She's always loved how passionate he is about the few things he's willing to do.

"I kinda like it", she admits.

"I thought you hated being the center of attention?"

"I used to think that, yes."

"What changed?"

"Me." She gives him a mysterious smile. "Well, maybe I didn't. Maybe I just got to know myself better. I still feel pretty lost though", she admits. "But yeah, I know enough about myself to know I'm enjoying the attention right now."

"Can be fun sometimes, but people always watch you when you don't want them to. Want an example?"

"Yeah, I guess?"

The mischievous twinkle in his eyes makes her instantly regret agreeing to it.

"Hey, everybody!" He starts shouting. "This girl just told me she has a crush on the Admin Director! Anyone got his number?"

"What the fuck, Castiel?!" She hisses, hiding her face with her hands.

"So, do you still like it?"

She glares at him through the gaps between her fingers, feeling the urge to punch the grin right off his face.

"Sorry, it was too tempting", he says.

"Oh yeah? I hope you don't mind then if at some point I feel tempted to embarrass _you_." She points a finger at him.

He laughs.

"I'd like to see you try."

"Careful what you wish for, Castiel."

"Um, excuse me?" A girl stops next to them, looking a bit intimidated by Castiel's presence. "I don't have his number but if you call the university reception desk there's a good chance of getting it."

They both freeze as they process what she's talking about. _The Admin Director. She believed it._

Hailey feels Castiel's eyes on her as he waits for her response, certainly highly amused by the situation.

She fakes a warm smile to the girl.

"Oh, thank you! That really helps! You can be sure you'll be invited to our wedding." She winks.

"Um, sure... Bye..." She gives Castiel a tiny shy smile before walking away.

After watching her walk away in shock for a bit, Castiel and Hailey stare at each other.

After a moment of silence, they burst out laughing.

[| masochist |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hde9uOIfEg8)


	6. By The Beach, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time at the beach, and the party is just beginning...

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onb5gSB1660)

"Is there a party tonight?" Priya's voice startles Hailey from her conversation with Hyun. "And no one told me! What a disgrace!"

As Hailey turns around to look at Priya, her breath gets caught in her throat. Alongside Priya is someone she didn't expect to run into.

"Castiel." She then quickly decides to say Priya's name too in a failed attempt to not make it awkard. "And Priya." She forces her eyes to un-widen and pastes a smile on her lips. "Hi."

A hint of a smile appears on Castiel's lips.

"Hi, Hailey." He glances at Hyun. "And..."

"Hyun", Hailey says. "The coworker I told you about."

"Nice to meet you", Hyun says politely, offering his hand.

"Right." Castiel shakes his hand half-heartedly. "Same to you. I need a drink now. See you around", he says to the three of them before walking away.

Hailey scoffs as she watches his retreating figure.

"Always so nice."

"Ah, you know what he's like", Priya says.

Hyun rocks back and forth, clearly uncomfortable.

"Oh. Castiel has no manners but apparently I forgot mine. Hyun, this is Priya, a friend from high school."

Hyun reminds her that he's already met Priya, who teases Hailey about her trial run at the café.

After Alexy and Morgan throw water at Hyun and drag him into the water, Priya invites Hailey to run from them and meet Castiel and Rosalya (who apparently is back) at the bar. They end up deciding to go for a walk before going to the bar.

"You keep glancing around anxiously", Priya points out. "Looking for someone?"

Hailey bites her lower lip. _Damn you and your observational skills, Priya._

"Well... I kinda agreed to meet up with Nathaniel here."

"Oh."

"Yeah... He didn't really want to come but Amber has been nagging him about it, apparently. So he texted me to ask if I'd be around."

"And you didn't happen to be waiting for a text like that from him? At all?" She gives Hailey a knowing smirk.

"What? No..." Hailey manages to sound incredibly unconvincing, which causes Priya to laugh.

"Hey, no judgement."

"Really? You're not gonna join Alexy and Rosa to scold me about getting close to the new Nathaniel?"

Priya gives her an amused glance.

"You were friends before, weren't you? Besides, I think you're a big girl. You can make your own decisions."

Hailey gives her a bemused look.

"...Marry me."

Priya laughs.

"We could get married here, at the beach. Seems romantic enough to me."

Hailey starts giggling.

"Not a bad idea. Men suck anyway."

"They kinda do, don't they?"

As Hailey and Priya watch from afar the announcement about the surf competition's winner, Hailey scans the crowd. Surfing inevitably reminds her of someone.

"Are you hoping to see someone else besides Nathaniel?" Priya gives her a curious look.

Hailey snickers.

"Is there anything that goes unnoticed by you?"

"Not much."

"Clearly. Umm, I wouldn't say so? I suppose at the same time I'm hoping to see him but I'm also hoping not to."

"Stop talking in riddles and tell me", Priya demands.

Hailey sighs.

"See, before I started dating Castiel, while we were just friends... If you could call us that... Well, I ran into him at the beach during summer. And in the same occasion I met someone. Dake, an Australian surfer. He taught me a bit about surfing and... we kissed."

Priya's jaw drops.

"No way! Did Castiel see it?"

"No, but he knew something was going on. And I ended up telling him at some point."

"Wait, did you already like him back then?"

"I... I did. But, you know, hot surf guy from another country, things with Castiel were going too slow..."

"So you seized the opportunity."

"I did."

"Naughty." Priya grins. "But why exactly are you in part hoping not to meet him again?"

"Well... He turned out to be a bit too pushy. Kept insisting when I wasn't interested anymore, he was a bit of a jerk."

"Oh. Ew."

"Yeah. Besides... Things are complicated enough here already."

Priya doesn't ask any more questions. Instead, she just gives Hailey a knowing look. She knows exactly what she means.

Once the announcement is over, they both decide to go to the bar and get the party started.

Upon arriving, there's no sign of Castiel or Rosa at the bar. However, Hailey quickly spots two familiar blonde heads. She exchanges looks with Priya, who smirks at her, before they approach the two.

"Priya! Hailey!" Amber smiles at them.

"Hey there", Priya says.

Hailey can feel Nathaniel's eyes on her.

"Hi, Amber." She turns to Nathaniel. "So there you are."

"Here I am", Nathaniel replies, his eyes twinkling with something different. Then, as if remembering Priya is also there, he smiles at her. "Hi, Priya."

"Well, time to do my duty as a model and hand the man his prize", Amber says as she gets up.

"Oh, they hired you? That's pretty cool", Hailey says.

"Right?" Amber rummages through her bag frantically, faking a surprised look. "Oh no! My outfit isn't here! I must've let it at the bus stop. Priya, do you mind going back with me?" She gives Priya a pointed look.

Priya responds with a raised eyebrow, but decides to play along.

"Can't say no to your puppy eyes. Let's go."

"Thanks!"

Hailey and Nathaniel watch as the two walk away. Once they're out of earshot, they stare at each other.

"What was that about?" Hailey fights back a smile.

"What do you mean?"

"You know very well what I mean."

He smirks teasingly.

"That would be just an assumption, don't you think? I could think I know what you mean when I really don't know what you mean, and then I say I know what you mean and you think I know what you mean and then we'll both be mistaken forever."

She snorts.

"I don't even know what to say to that."

"Made you speechless? I have that effect on girls."

"Is nausea also one of your side effects? Because I'm feeling that right now."

He chuckles.

"Well, someone's gotten sassier."

"Oh, you wanna talk about change now?"

"Nope." He averts his eyes, an amused smile lingering on his lips. Then, he sighs. "To tell you the truth, Amber says that when I spend time with you I'm a little less annoying. So maybe that's why she's trying to get us to spend time together."

Hayley stares at him in shock before laughing.

"Damn, now I'm wondering just _how_ annoying you can be."

"You'd be impressed."

"Well, I think you're not that bad."

"Not that bad?" He grins. "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"I wouldn't dare to make your head even bigger by giving you an actual compliment."

"Shouldn't have told me that then. Now I'll just imagine the endless compliments that run through your mind and you just don't tell me."

Hailey groans, but she can't keep the smile off her face.

"I screwed up, didn't I?"

"Big time."

They laugh quietly before silently looking at each other for a little while. Starting to feel uneasy, Hailey averts her eyes.

"I guess I should order my first drink now", she says.

"I'll buy you one."

"Again?" She shakes her head. "No, I think I'll buy my own drink this time. But thanks."

He shrugs.

"Alright then. Suit yourself."

Hailey orders a raspberry mojito, while Nathaniel, to her surprise, orders pineapple juice.

"No alcohol this time?"

"I'm not a big fan. The concert was a bit of an exception."

"Oh? That's surprising."

"Is it?"

"The rumors say otherwise."

"Rumors? Am I that popular?"

"Or maybe unpopular", she jokes. "But, anyway, I heard you were quite into parties."

Nathaniel sighs.

"All that because once I had a little to drink and ended up stumbling into the pool at the gym. People start rumors based on nothing..."

"Right. Nothing."

"I wasn't drunk, alright?"

"What if you were? What's the big deal?"

"Alcohol is something that can really make you feel like you're not in control of yourself. As much as I like the buzz, not being in control is too... dangerous."

"I think it's liberating. Although you should probably avoid... too much liberation when you're near a pool. Seems dangerous."

"You're near the sea and you're drinking. And, if you were already dizzy after that martini at the concert..."

She gives him a cheeky smile.

"But you're here to watch over me."

"I don't remember offering to babysit you."

She just laughs as she takes a sip of her drink, eyeing him with slightly heavy eyelids. Maybe it's already starting to get to her head. Maybe she shouldn't have started drinking on an empty stomach.

But, just for once, maybe she can allow herself to be irresponsible. She's among friends after all. And the whole thing about Rosa's pregnancy and her moving out with Leigh really did something to her head. Like she's being forced into adult life. Like it might soon be _her_ turn to have children. Unless she doesn't want to. And she is suddenly starting to realize that her body has a deadline for that.

Hailey takes a few desperate sips. She needs to find a way to _stop thinking_.


	7. By The Beach, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone gets together at the beach, and Hailey has to make a choice.

"Oh, there you are!" Priya arrives with Castiel, causing Hailey to stiffen up. "We've been standing at the counter for a while, trying to find a place to sit down."

"Oh, you can grab empty chairs and we can scoot together", Hailey says, trying to sound casual.

"That's what I was thinking", she says.

Priya and Castiel grab their chairs and bring it to the table where Hailey is sat across from Leigh and next to Rosalya and Rayan, who was reason enough for her to be a bit nervous before Castiel arrived to turn everything into pure torture.

Hailey briefly looks around to see if she can spot Nathaniel. Maybe he'd like to contribute to her torture. But he's nowhere to be seen, which is both a good and a bad thing. Probably not a good idea to have him around when Castiel is there, anyway.

She watches anxiously as the two newcomers pick their places, an action that, to her, seems to take much longer than it really does. Leigh scoots closer to Rosa, freeing up some space, and Rayan follows his example and... scoots closer to Hailey. Which is both exciting and disappointing. She certainly doesn't dislike being a bit closer to her hot teacher. But she doubts that Castiel will dare to sit between her and Rosa, and he probably prefers to avoid sitting next to her anyway. Well, it's probably for the best that he doesn't. _Right?_

Priya sits beside Leigh, and, as if to make things just a bit more awkward, Castiel sits right next to Rayan. But it's not like he had much of a choice.

Desperate to break the silence, Hailey decides it's a good idea to jump into introductions.

"Cass, Priya, this is Mr. Zai- I mean, Rayan." She gestures towards Rayan. "He's my teacher and Leigh's friend. Rayan, these are Priya and Castiel - clearly." She lets out an awkward laugh. "We were all... friends in high school."

"Nice to meet you both", Rayan says. "Specially you, Castiel. Seems like my students love your band."

Castiel's smile becomes a bit more genuine.

"That's good to hear."

"I thought you'd be touring with Crowstorm", Rosa comments.

"No, we're recording now, I'm going to spend a few months on campus", Castiel says.

Hailey finally spots Nathaniel inside the bar, eyeing them from a distance. She hesitantly glances at Castiel, who catches her.

"Suit yourself", he says, as if reading her mind.

She then gestures for him to join them. Nathaniel hesitates before walking towards them. There is no hurry in his step, only a laid-back kind of confidence. _He could be a model._

Right before he arrives, she sends Castiel a glare.

"Behave."

He simply gives her a devious smirk.

"Hey, Nath", she says to him. "Grab a chair and sit down, we're about to order."

"Surprising to run into you somewhere besides sleazy neighborhoods", Castiel comments, earning a glare from Nathaniel.

"Shut your mouth hole", Nathaniel says to him as he grabs a chair and sits between Hailey and Rosa, which causes the latter to frown slightly.

"Why don't you come here and-"

Castiel is interrupted by Hailey's murderous stare. He holds back a laugh.

"Didn't say a thing", he lies.

"Oh, I must be delusional then", Hailey says. Then, she turns to Nathaniel. "And you. Behave too. Please."

He lets out a dramatic sigh.

"But I was eager to see you pull another stunt..."

"Stunt?" Rayan raises an eyebrow.

"She doused them with water last time", Rosa blurts out.

Both Castiel and Nathaniel send Hailey a questioning look.

"You told her about that?" Nathaniel asks.

Hailey fails to fight back a smile, but succeeds in not laughing.

"Maybe."

Castiel scoffs.

"You must've been so proud about it."

"Well, then you know how glad I'd be to do it again", she retorts. "Now, let's order. Being around you both makes me really need a drink. And I might as well have some munition around."

Soon the sun has gone down, and their table has become the fullest one with Alexy, Morgan and Hyun joining them. Perhaps partly due to a little help from alcohol, the atmosphere has become much more friendly and relaxed. Hailey is pretty sure she even saw Castiel and Nathaniel exchange a few harmless words at some point. Castiel questioned Rosa about not drinking and might've raised a few suspicions, but Hailey quickly got in the way and said it's because she's taking antibiotics, earning a thankful look from Rosa.

When a fairly tipsy Hailey overhears Rosa asking Leigh to go home, she protests.

"Nooo, why? It's early!"

Rosa gives her a sly smile.

"I'm just a bit tired. I guess it's a side effect of those... antibiotics."

Hailey's eyes widen.

"Oh. Right, right, go home, Rosa."

Rosa gives Hyun a cheeky smile.

"Take care of Hailey, okay? She seems to be getting a bit too excited."

"Excuse me?" Hailey glares at her.

Rosa simply responds with a kiss on her cheek before saying goodbye to everyone and leaving.

As soon as they're out of earshot, Rayan grins.

"The next round is on me!"

Hailey cheers.

"You're the best teacher _ever_!"

Hyun gives her a concerned look.

"Um, Hailey, don't you think you've had enough?"

"I like you, Hyun. Don't change my mind by being a party pooper."

"O-okay..." He averts his eyes.

Ryan leaves and soon comes back with a tray loaded with shot glasses.

"The bartender's treat", he says. "Considering how long we've been here. I ordered fresh fruit cocktails and some more stuff to eat."

Hailey glances at the bar to see the bartender waving at them and smiling. She waves back, beaming.

"Thanks, Mr. Rayan", she says, quickly realizing her mistake and widening her eyes.

"Mr. Rayan?" He gives her an amused smile as he sits down while the others giggle.

"Sorry, I must've mixed up Mr. Zaidi with Rayan." She laughs too.

Castiel swallows his shot in one gulp, and acts as if he was simply drinking water. Hailey notices a group of girls watching him and whispering to each other.

"Castiel, I think there's a girl or two over there who'd like a private concert... in their bedroom", Alexy says with a cheeky smile. "If you know what I mean."

Any traces of a smile disappear from Hailey's face.

"Even the table knows what you mean, Alexy." She takes a desperate sip from her shot glass only to wince as the alcohol burns her throat. "Ugh."

Castiel snickers at her reaction. _He's loving this, isn't he? Asshole._

"What luck, I have my guitar in the car!" Castiel gets up to get it, clearly in a good mood.

Hailey feels a bit sick, but not because of the alcohol. She worries it might not be good for her to watch him play guitar and sing like this - like he used to do just for her. And, when you add his fangirls to the equation, the situation becomes specially uncomfortable.

Once Castiel is out of earshot, Nathaniel stands up.

"Sorry, can't stand to watch Mr. Rockstar showing off. I'm gonna walk a bit", he says, mainly to Hailey.

Hailey opens her mouth to protest, but she finds herself simply watching as Nathaniel walks away. She lets out an exasperated sigh.

"I'll never understand those two."

"I think I'm desensitized by now", Priya says.

"I wish I could say the same", Hailey responds.

"Have they always been like that?" Hyun furrows his eyebrows.

"You mean to each other or in general?" Hailey turns to him.

"Uh, both."

"Yes to both in Castiel's case", Alexy says. "As for Nathaniel... Well, he was much different in high school, but he was allergic to Castiel back then too."

After a while, Castiel still hasn't come back and people are starting to talk about doing other things, like dancing or swimming. But Hailey doesn't feel like she's in the mood to be in anyone's company. Or at least not anyone present. And she really feels like avoiding Castiel, so staying behind and risking being found by him isn't a good idea either.

But there is one person she feels like spending time with.

She stands up.

"I think I'll go for a walk too."

Hyun gives her another one of his adorable concerned looks.

"Alone, at night? Do you want me to go with you?"

Alexy snorts.

"Don't worry, Hyun. I doubt she has the intention to be alone."

Hailey sends him a glare, but the corners of her mouth betray her by twitching into a tiny smile.

"Thanks, Hyun, but I have someone I need to find."

"Oh, alright, then."

As she is starting to leave, Alexy holds her arm and gets closer to whisper.

"Is it Castiel or Nathaniel?"

She groans.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

She opens her mouth and closes it again before letting out a breath and averting her eyes. Alexy narrows his eyes at her.

"It's Nathaniel", he correctly answers his own question, giving her a very judgmental look.

"Yes, Alexy, it's Nathaniel", she answers in a hiss-like whisper. "And I'm getting tired of you and Rosa nagging me about this."

"You know we mean well. We just worry about you."

She sighs.

"I know, I... Listen, I know Nath."

"You knew him back in high school. He's not the same. And you're drunk, I don't trust him around you _specially_ when you're drunk."

"I'm not _drunk_ , I'm _tipsy_. I like being around him, okay? He's my friend."

Alexy quirks an eyebrow at her.

" _Friend?_ Is that it?"

"Yes..." Her answer seems very unconvincing.

Alexy lets out a resigned sigh.

"You need to fix that obsession for bad boys."

"And you need to go back to your boyfriend." She smiles kindly at him. "Go, seize the night! I can take care of myself."

He gives her one last concerned look before sighing again.

"I hope so." He smiles lightly. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Will do."

[| waiting for |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNauMtd_LDs)


	8. By The Beach, part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey spends some time alone with Nathaniel at the beach.  
> (Warning: slightly illegal stuff, maybe.)

Hailey has to walk for a bit, but she really doesn't mind. The buzz from the alcohol, the beautiful sights and the pleasant sounds of the crashing waves make for a delightful combination.

At some point, she finally spots a familiar blonde-haired figure in the distance, sitting right next to the sea.

And... there's smoke too. Is Nathaniel smoking?

As she gets closer, she confirms her suspicions. He's smoking. _Since when does he smoke?_

Smoking seems more like a Castiel thing. Well, maybe she's still too attached to high school Castiel and high school Nathaniel. Maybe Castiel doesn't even smoke anymore. Maybe she should ask sometime.

_Why do I care anyway?_

Probably noticing someone was walking towards him, Nathaniel slowly turns his head to look at Hailey. As she gets close enough to see him properly, she notices that he's not smiling. But, despite that, there's a serenity to his expression. Then, she notices another thing. The way he's holding the cigarette. Instead of holding it between his index and middle finger, he's holding it with his index finger and his thumb.

 _Oh._ That's probably not a regular cigarette. _Is that a joint?_

When she's close enough to smell the smoke, she's sure about it.

Nathaniel doesn't say a thing as she sits beside him, only staring at her from the corners of his eyes.

"So you smoke weed now", she says.

He exhales smoke as he switches his gaze to the sea, which makes her very aware of the pleasant sounds coming from it.

"I figured you'd disapprove."

She snickers.

"And here I thought I was the only one stuck with high school versions of people."

He turns his face towards her, raising his eyebrows lightly.

"So you don't disapprove?"

She gives him a cheeky smile.

"Gimme that." She reaches for the joint and takes it from him, bringing it to her lips as he gives her an incredulous look.

Hailey sucks on the joint and blows, watching in wonder as the smoke dances out of her mouth.

"You've never done that, have you?" He has an amused smile on his face.

"Is it that obvious?"

"You're not inhaling it. Rookie mistake."

"Well, I'm not gonna put it up my nose, am I?"

Nathaniel lets out a whole-hearted laugh.

"You're drunk."

"Nuh-uh. Ti-psy", she says as she briefly touches his nosetip with her finger. "Learn the difference."

"If you say so..."

"So, how am I supposed to inhale? Teach me your ways, master."

His eyebrows rise slightly and he laughs silently.

"Master?"

"Why, you like that?"

He laughs again.

"I'll try not to get carried away by your... tipsy nonsense. Now, let me show you." He takes the joint from her hand. "The first part was right, but you missed something important. When you... suck on it", he says, cringing a bit at how filthy that sounds, "you have to take a breath." He pulls some smoke and takes a deep breath before exhaling slowly. "Think of it as a sigh. Try to get it into your lungs."

"Sounds healthy."

"Hey, if you don't wanna do it, just don't. It's best for your health anyway."

"No, let's ruin our healths together like true friends." She takes the joint again.

"Friends, huh?"

Hailey begins to wonder if he's surprised that she's calling him a friend or frustrated because he might want to be something more, but she's too dizzy to figure it out. Instead Hailey looks into his eyes as she 'sucks on it', smirking slightly as she remembers the double entendre. Then, she pretends to take a deep breath.

She immediately feels something burning in her airways and begins to cough.

Nathaniel laughs.

"Yeah, maybe not such a deep breath... Almost everyone does that in the beginning, don't worry. Try taking smaller hits until it feels fine."

"You could've told me that before", she complains before coughing a bit more.

"Sorry, I forgot." Despite his apology, there's an amused look on his face.

Hailey tries one more time, trying to take a smaller hit, and ends up coughing again, but much less than last time.

"See? It'll go away", he says. "But give it back." He takes the joint from her. "You should take it easy anyway, alcohol makes you extra high."

An excited smile appears on her face.

"Really?"

He doesn't reply, just taking a hit instead.

They silently watch the waves for a moment, and Hailey begins to think she might be feeling unusually relaxed. Maybe it's just a placebo, considering she has barely smoked, but it still feels good.

She's so relaxed that, when Nathaniel talks again, it's like he's waking her up from a dream.

"I thought you'd wanna be around Castiel tonight."

After taking a bit too long to process what he said, she sighs, running her fingers through the sand.

"Not really, no."

"Why not?"

"...I don't know."

As she continues to watch the waves, she can see with her peripheral vision that Nathaniel is watching _her_. So she turns to look at him. He doesn't look away. Instead, he gives her a tiny smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

"I'm surprised you're sticking around."

"What do you mean?"

"Around me." He averts his eyes, pausing to take another hit. "Most people turned their backs on me, as you may have noticed. I bet your friends tell you to stay away from me."

She watches him sadly. He looks at her again and lets out a dark chuckle.

"You don't have to answer that."

"I'd never turn my back on you", she says.

"You can't promise me that."

"Maybe not. But I'm telling you what I believe."

He studies her face quietly before allowing his smile to finally reach his eyes.

"I should've known I could count on you."

"You did go looking for me at the concert, so maybe you knew."

"I think I mostly just hoped."

He offers her the joint. She takes it from him and tries to take another hit. This time she almost doesn't cough.

"I'm getting good at this", she comments.

Nathaniel laughs.

"Yeah, you are." He then gives her a pensive look. "So, seems like you have new friends... Like that Hyun guy. Your coworker, right?"

"Right. Hyun's a great guy."

"He likes you."

This time she coughs.

"What?"

"Come on, it's like little hearts appear on his eyes every time he looks at you."

"Well, Rosa would love to hear you say that. She keeps trying to hook me up with him." She offers him the joint back, and he takes it.

"And you're not interested?"

"Hyun's not my type."

"Oh? Let me guess your type then. You dated Castiel, so... arrogant assholes?"

Hailey holds back a laugh, giving him a cheeky smile.

"You do realize you're describing your current self, right?"

Nathaniel turns his gaze to the sea, grinning.

"Then maybe I should be happy I've turned into an arrogant asshole."

"I didn't say you were right..."

He laughs quietly, but doesn't respond. Hailey turns her gaze to the sea as well. Is there any chance he's right? Does that mean she has a crush on him then?

She's starting to think that maybe she does.

"You know, I had a crush on you back in high school", he says.

She gives him a bemused look.

"Wait, really?"

"Yeah. But then you got with Castiel..."

She swallows hard. _Well, shit._

"I had a bit of a crush on you too", she blurts out before she can stop herself.

This time, he's the surprised one.

"What?"

"Y-yeah... I guess it was Castiel in the beginning, then at some point I felt drawn to you, but then it sort of went away and in the end it was Castiel again", she says, stealing the joint to take a quick hit and giving it back to him afterwards. It is only then that she realizes she's not coughing anymore.

"Now I'm hating myself for not noticing it in time."

"I... I don't think it'd make a big difference."

"You would've gone for him anyway, huh?" He avoids her eyes, a twinge of bitterness in his voice.

"I'm here with you now." Hailey bites her lip after saying that. _Where did that come from?_

Nathaniel looks at her, furrowing his eyebrows as if he's trying very hard to read her.

"You're very confusing."

"I'm confusing to myself too", she confesses.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w7pMxl5mzg)

They stare at each other quietly for a bit. Hailey feels the water starting to kiss her toes as the sea begins to invade the shore. She smirks lightly to herself as she looks at it, allowing her naked feet to slide through the sand and become soaked. She glances at Nathaniel's feet. He doesn't seem to mind the fact that his sandals are getting wet.

As she looks at his face again, a smirk slowly makes its way onto his lips.

"Hey. Wanna see some cool tricks?"

"Um... Yeah, sure."

Nathaniel holds up his index finger.

"This is the reverse waterfall." He sucks on the joint, puffing his cheeks, and then blows smoke... into his nose.

Hailey giggles.

"That's pretty cool! Oh, can you do smoke rings?"

He pulls in some smoke and puts his mouth into an 'O' shape, blowing out nearly perfect smoke rings.

Hailey widens her eyes and claps excidetly.

"Niiiice!"

"You gotta be good with your tongue to do that", he says, wriggling his eyebrows.

"Pervert." She playfully slaps him on the shoulder. But, although she won't admit it, she finds herself wondering about his tongue skills.

"Now, the ghost hit." He pulls in some smoke and exhales it but immediately pulls it back in, causing it to disappear.

Hailey laughs again, and so does he.

"So, anything else?" She leans forward with a childish anticipation.

He takes a moment to respond. When he does, his eyes are full of mischief.

"Have you ever heard of a shotgun?"

Her eyes widen.

"No, not the gun", he clarifies before she can ask.

She sighs with relief.

"Okay, good."

"Brits also call it a blowback."

She chokes on a repressed laugh.

"A what now?"

He gives her a cheeky smile.

"What did you think of?"

She averts her eyes, giggling.

"Nothing..."

"You totally thought about blowjobs."

"...Maybe."

He chuckles.

"And you call _me_ a pervert. No, it has nothing to do with that. Although-..." He stops himself when she gives him a playful distrustful glance. "Well, anyway, this is a two-person trick. Wanna try?"

She shrugs.

"Why not?"

"Alright, let me explain. We're gonna be about two inches apart from each other, and I'll pull in some smoke. Then you'll open your mouth and I'll blow the smoke to you so you can inhale it. Got it?"

Hailey gives him a slightly puzzled look, but smiles.

"I... think so. Kind of. Sorry, my mind is a bit slow right now."

He snickers.

"Not surprising. Alright, I'll try to guide you through it. Just inhale when the smoke is there, okay?"

"Okay."

Nathaniel begins to lean in very slowly, looking into Hailey's eyes. She suddenly starts to feel nervous. Even if it's a bit dark, his eyes are still too intense. They've always been.

She lets out a quiet nervous laugh as he stops very, very close and pulls some smoke, looking like he's fighting back his own laugh. His cheeks become slightly puffed as he stores smoke inside his mouth. Then, he brings his thumb to her lower lip, his gaze dropping to it, and gently pulls on it, signaling for her to open her mouth.

Hailey obediently opens her mouth. Nathaniel gets a bit closer. Her heart is racing by this point, and she begins to wonder if he's about to kiss her.

Maybe she wants him to.

Her gaze drops to his lips right before he starts blowing smoke into her mouth. She gladly takes in the smoke, becoming very aware of the fact that it's coming from his mouth. She inhales as the smoke enters, eyelids becoming heavy as she feels high not only from the weed but also from the closeness.

As soon as Nathaniel is done, he shows her a smirk that makes her feel like she's melting. Finishing inhaling, she smirks back at him.

"There you go", he murmurs in a slightly broken voice that sounds very inviting.

Hailey looks into his eyes before her gaze drops to his lips again.

Barely believing what she's doing, she closes her eyes and slowly closes the distance, lightly pressing her lips against his lips.

She feels and hears him sigh, slowly beginning to give in. She's giving in too. His lips are quivering, like he can't believe what's happening either.

The sensations seem to be numbed by the alcohol and heightened by the weed at the same time, which results in an inexplicable feeling. It feels good. She presses harder.

But then his lips are gone, and there is nothing but the cold nightly sea breeze on her lips. And it's incredibly frustrating.

Her eyes flutter open. Fortunately, Nathaniel is still there. Staring at her with an unreadable expression.

"Why did you..." She furrows her eyebrows. "Why did you stop?"

The corners of his mouth twitch upwards. Then, he snickers. Which makes her want to punch him.

"What's so funny?"

He kindly touches her cheek, caressing it with his thumb as he smiles at her.

"You're drunk."

She frowns.

"I'm not-"

"Fine. You're tipsy."

She closes her mouth, studying his face. It doesn't make sense.

"So you flirt with me shamelessly and then you suddenly don't wanna kiss me?"

"Oh, trust me, I want to."

"Then why?"

"Believe me, I'm just as surprised as you are. But I think now's not a good moment."

"Seems like a wonderful moment."

"It would be. If you weren't... tipsy."

She snorts.

"So you're a gentleman now?"

He laughs quietly, pulling his hand away from her cheek. But the sensation of his touch lingers there.

"Apparently I am."

She throws her back onto the sand with a frustrated sigh, closing her eyes.

"Lame."

She hears him chuckle beside her. It's a boyish chuckle, much like the one she knew back in high school. It's definitely the best sound she's heard that day. Even better than the waves.

As she opens her eyes, she notices the sky is beautifully decorated with stars and a thin moon.

"Wow."

Nathaniel looks up.

"Oh. Wow indeed."

He lies down beside her and brings the joint to his lips. Feeling like getting a small revenge, she steals it from him as he's in the middle of taking a hit.

"Hey", he complains.

Smirking to herself, she pulls in smoke. Then, she exhales and watches as the smoke dances against the nightsky.

Her eyes then land on the moon. It looks like a smile.

She starts giggling like an idiot.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Look at the moon."

Nathaniel soon starts giggling too.

"Looks like the Cheshire cat."

"Right?!"

They slowly giggle their way into a full-on laughing fit.

"Am I high?" Hailey manages to ask between giggles.

"Yes", he replies before laughing some more.

After a few minutes they've managed to calm down. Yet, Hailey lets out one last throaty chuckle, like an inevitable cough.

"You're amazing", she blurts out.

She notices Nathaniel turning his head to look at her. So she removes her gaze from the nightsky and turns it to him.

He's smiling at her.

"Have you ever done urbexing?" The question comes out before she can filter it.

He gives her a puzzled look.

"What?"

"Exploring urban places that have been abandoned, stuff like that. Chani loves it."

"Chani?"

"Friend from uni."

"Oh. I might've done something like that, but mainly on accident... You know, nothing planned. I didn't know there was a term for it."

"Well, now you know", she says.

"Have you ever tried it?"

"No. But I'm starting to think I'd like to."

His eyes twinkle with mischief.

"Does it have to be necessarily in abandoned places?"

"You mean for me or for urbexing?"

"Both."

"I think that's what urbexing is about. But, for me, not necessarily? I just... I just think I haven't had enough adventures in my life."

He grins.

"I'll take you on an adventure then."

"Now?"

"No. But soon."

"How soon?"

"Soon."

She laughs.

"And where will you take me?"

"Oh, I wouldn't dare to spoil the surprise."

She snorts and shakes her head.

"You're awful."

[| high by the beach |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxjw_8RpoNI)


	9. Panther

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey's impulsivity begins to grow as she feels the pressure, much to Castiel's concern. She finds comfort in Nathaniel's approval.

Hailey slumps in her chair, the noises in her head completely drowning out Miss Paltry's voice. With the worst kind of butterflies in her stomach, she tries to comprehend all the racing thoughts.

She kissed Nathaniel. And he stopped her. And he hasn't talked to her since then. Did she chase him away for good? Did she misunderstand him completely? Maybe he didn't see her like that at all. But why would he flirt with her then? Well, he did say it was because she wasn't sober. But, if he didn't talk to her since then, maybe he's avoiding her, maybe he's not into her after all. And maybe he can't even be her friend now, she ruined everything. She thought about texting him first, but that seemed like a bad idea after what happened. She doesn't want to seem desperate.

_Am I desperate?_

Then there are the rumors about her and Rayan. She has reached a stage in life where she doesn't care much about what other people think about her. But she does care about her degree, and, when she's so close to finally getting it and being over with university, being kicked out would suck big time. Besides, she would hate it if Rayan lost his job because of her, even if the rumors are false. Sure, they are closer than a professor and a student would usually be, but nothing has happened between them. Unfortunately. She wouldn't mind being with the hot teacher. People already talk anyway, if it didn't involve so many risks she would be okay with living up to the rumors.

There's also Clemence always being a bitch and exploring her at work. And, on top of all that, there's her stupid thesis...

"Well, it looks like the only free spot is next to you", Castiel's voice snaps her out of her anxiety spiral and causes her heart to race.

As he sits next to her, Hailey gives him an uneasy smile.

"Sucks to be you then. I'm afraid I'm not great company today. Terrible week."

"You know that the week has barely started, right?"

She frowns.

"Ugh. Kill me, please."

"Okay, now that everyone is here, we'll get started", Miss Paltry says. "I'd like to talk today about everything that is going well at the university! What you don't want to change. We always talk about the negative aspects, I thought that it would be nice to reverse the trend, for once."

"See? A good opportunity to add some sunshine and rainbows to your week", Castiel murmurs.

"Can't wait", Hailey replies in a bored voice.

As she pulls out a paper to start scribbling, a small paper ball rolls onto her desk.

She looks up in an attempt to identify the sender, but no one seems to be looking at her. When she exchanges looks with Castiel, he shrugs, as if to say he has no idea where it came from.

Feeling curious, Hailey opens the little crumpled paper. As she reads the message, her eyebrows crease into a frown.

**Topic of the day: hooking up with your main teacher to pass your final year!**

Hailey looks around again, feeling her face drain of color. No one seems to be looking at her other than Castiel, and he's the only student in the room she knows.

He moves his chin as if asking what it is.

Hailey takes a deep breath as a twisted smirk appears on her lips. Whoever sent it must be watching her discretely to see her reaction. She can't let them win.

So she tears the already small piece of paper into smaller pieces as dramatically as she can while still being subtle. Then, she puts them in her mouth and grabs her water bottle.

_Gulp. Gulp. Gulp._

"Hailey, what the fuck?" A scandalized whisper comes from Castiel.

She leans towards him.

"I'll tell you later", she whispers, a victorious smile on her lips.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JgMkWLlepE)

Outside the classroom, Castiel gives Hailey a puzzled look after her explanation.

"So you thought it was a brilliant idea to just swallow the note?"

"Yes!" She gives him a victorious smile.

"I don't see how that helps. It'll only make people think you're crazy."

"That works too. If they think I'm crazy maybe they'll leave me alone."

"I suppose I can't argue with that..."

As they reach the campus quad, he keeps giving her a weird look.

"What is it, Castiel?"

"I'm trying to recognize this Hailey."

She laughs.

"Is she that bad?"

"No, not at all. But I'm trying to figure out how genuine she is."

"Castiel, I used to always try to please everyone. Do you really think someone can be genuine like that?"

"Just be careful not to fall into the trap of pretending you don't care. That's also not being genuine at all."

"That's what you did all the time back in high school", she points out.

"Exactly. So I know what I'm saying."

Hailey bites her lower lip as she gives him a pensive look.

"...Alright then. I'll try to keep that in-"

She stops mid-sentence as she spots something far behind Castiel. Or rather someone. Her breath hitches as she identifies Nathaniel, who's leaning against the building, hands in his pockets, one foot against the wall. And he's looking at them.

And he looks cool as fuck.

Castiel glances behind to see what got her attention.

"Oh, fucking great."

She looks at him as he turns to her, looking like he's studying her face. Her gaze then goes to Nathaniel. Then to Castiel. Then to Nathaniel.

"You wanna go talk to him?" Castiel attempts to sound casual, but there's an edge to his voice.

"Sorry, I actually need to talk to him about something", Hailey replies.

"Yeah, whatever. See you around."

Castiel walks away before she can say anything else, but she doesn't watch him leave. No, her gaze is fixated on Nathaniel as the memories wash over her like those beach waves. His thumb on her lip. The smoke leaving his mouth and entering hers. His golden eyes burning a hole through her soul. The dizziness. The waves softly reaching out to them. His warm, soft and trembling lips...

She lets out a breath. Then, with determination in her step, she walks towards him. He just watches, not moving an inch. His expression is unreadable.

"Is that one of your hobbies now?" She gives him a playful smirk.

"What is?" His eyes twinkle with interest as he finally moves his head to properly face her, a hint of a smile appearing on his lips.

"Leaning against walls and watching people like a creep. Are you trying to seem mysterious or what?"

He snickers.

"No. I was actually waiting for you to show up."

"And you couldn't just go to class and meet me there? Or text me. You know, like a normal person."

He shrugs.

"What's the fun in that?"

She decides that a raised eyebrow is the best answer to that.

"Don't you think it's better like this?" His eyes twinkle with mischief. "Keep you guessing, thinking about me, then showing up when you least expect..."

She lets out an exasperated laugh.

"So that's what you were doing? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but the only thing you managed to do was show up when I least expected", she lies.

"Bummer."

Hailey leans against the wall beside him and looks at her surroundings.

"I thought I had scared you away", she confesses in an almost-whisper.

"How exactly?"

She sighs.

"Don't make me say it."

Nathaniel pulls away from the wall and stands in front of Hailey, blocking her vision and forcing her to look at him. He places one hand against the wall right beside her.

"Say it."

Her heart begins to race as he looks right into her eyes, a lopsided smirk on his lips.

She opens her mouth to speak, but instead she just takes a breath and lets out a nervous laugh as she shakes her head, her gaze dropping to the floor. She tries to leave, but Nathaniel places his other hand on the other side, blocking her way.

She glares at him, but his smirk widens in response, his predator-like gaze making her weak in the knees.

"I thought I scared you away by kissing you, okay? Now back off before you attract too much attention, there are enough rumors about me already, and I'm very close to punching someone in the face. Don't let that be you."

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" He pulls away, finally giving her space. "Come on, I'll take you for lunch. Then you can tell me all about those rumors and your newfound violent tendencies."

"I don't think you wanna hear me blab about my problems."

"You're right, I don't. But that's what friends are for, isn't it?"

She studies him quietly for a moment. _Friends._ She isn't sure if she feels happy that he still considers her a friend after they lost touch for so long or annoyed that he's still calling her a friend after they kissed.

She then recalls how puzzled he seemed when she called him a friend at the beach. Maybe he had the same ambiguous feeling.

"Alright then. Let's go."

"Cool. Come on, Panther's right over there", he says as he gestures with his head and starts walking.

"Panther?" A confused Hailey trails after him.

"My motorcycle."

"You gave your motorcycle a name?"

"Yeah. She spends a lot of time with me, so she deserves it, don't you think?"

" _She_?"

Ignoring Hailey's judgmental tone, Nathaniel gets to a big black motorcycle and pulls out two black helmets from the under-seat compartment before offering one to Hailey.

"I'm glad your rebel phase hasn't made you discard helmets", she teases.

"What do you wanna eat?" He ignores her remark as he puts on his helmet.

"I tend to be quite into junk food when I'm having a bad day."

"Your day is _still_ bad even though I'm in it now? I'm offended." He starts his motorcycle and gestures with his head towards the empty backseat. "Hop on."

Hailey gladly hops onto 'Panther' and wraps her arms around Nathaniel. Saying nothing else, he starts riding, and the wind sends the fresh scent of his perfume right towards Hailey. Since she didn't bother pulling her hair back to put on the helmet, the wind is making a mess with it right in front of her eyes, but she doesn't mind. Eyes closed, she focuses on the funny feeling in her stomach from either being on a motorcycle or having her body pressed against Nathaniel's back. Probably both. She wonders how conscious he is of the fact that her breasts are touching his back. She squeezes him a bit tighter, just in case.

After Hailey has told Nathaniel about the things that have been bothering her - well, except for how seeing Castiel always messes with her head - in between delightful bites of fast food and sips of soda, she finishes by telling him about the note and what she did with it. By then, Nathaniel's grinning.

"You swallowed the note? That's brilliant!"

"Ripped _and_ swallowed", she says, proud of herself. "Dramatically."

He laughs out loud.

"When I think you can't be any more surprising, you go and do just that. You've always been like that, since high school. But now, I admit it, you've really taken it up a notch."

"So you approve? Castiel judged me so hard for it..."

Nathaniel's jaw stiffens a bit at the mention of Castiel's name. _Oops._

"Yeah, well, Castiel clearly doesn't know how to properly appreciate things. You shouldn't care about what he thinks."

"I don't", she replies a bit too fast.

"Sure about that?" He raises his eyebrows as he takes a long sip though his straw.

Hailey sighs.

"It's... complicated."

"It always is."

They eat in uneasy silence for a moment. Hailey looks out the window mainly to avoid looking at him. She keeps having flashbacks from the beach, but the idea of bringing up the topic is making her nervous. So, when her eyes land on his motorcycle outside, she's relieved to find a relatively safe topic to bring up.

"So... Panther. Is that what you use to impress girls?" She bites a chip in a playful way that might be sexier than she intended.

Nathaniel smirks.

"Oh, from the feedback I've gotten there are far more impressive things about me."

Well, maybe it's not a safe topic at all.

"I bet you're all bark and no bite", she retorts.

"Why don't you try to find out? When you're sober, of course."

Her gaze inevitably drops to the table as she lets out an exasperated laugh.

"I wasn't _that_ drunk", she mumbles.

His smirk widens, and he blinks slowly like his eyelids have gotten heavy.

"Good to know."


	10. Little Girl, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hailey impulsively turns to an old "friend" when things get hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took me so long to post this! My creativity look a serious hit due to some problems I've been going through. Although I'm still not as inspired as before and might be slow at writing, I already have a few chapters ready and a some ideas for more chapters, so stay tuned!

Heart broken into a million pieces, Hailey is unable to contain the tears that stream down her face as she sits at the bus stop. But there won't be a bus for the next hour. It's Sunday after all. As if things weren't bad enough already, the gloomy sky threatens her with promises of rain, and she left in such a hurry to get to the hospital that she didn't even think about getting an umbrella.

She lets out a shaky sigh. Some days are clearly meant to be shitty.

Truthfully, she doesn't want to go back to her dorm. She doesn't want to walk into her room and possibly run into Yeleen, who will try to find out what's wrong probably out of sheer curiosity, not because she cares. But she clearly can't go to Rosalya. She can't go to someone who is much more broken than her at the moment. Someone who has just pushed her and Alexy away. Even if she understands, she's upset. But more in a sad way rather than an angry way. She wanted to be there for Rosa. But Rosa wouldn't let her. _Hah. Story of my life._

And Alexy... Alexy left and apparently turned off his phone, because he's not receiving calls or texts. He was pushed away by Rosa and is now pushing away Hailey.

She clutches her shirt against her chest in a silly attempt to grab her aching heart. She can almost literally feel it hurting. In an _actual_ literal way.

The very few people who walk by in the distance do nothing but send her confused, curious or pitiful glances. Yes, pity is the closest she'll get to people caring about her right now, isn't it?

She's all alone.

There's Chani, but she's not that close to Chani yet. She doesn't feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable with Chani.

A raindrop stings her leg, its coldness causing her to shiver and dragging her forcefully out of her thoughts. _Shit._

She drags herself away from the corner of the bench to make sure she can be protected by the bus stop's cover once it starts raining for real. But, if the rain will be as bad as the sky is promising, that soon won't be of much use. She needs to figure out a way to get out of there, and fast. And a place to go.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRkU5st0zAw)

A memory of Castiel and her running under the rain to take cover and giggling makes her chest burn and ache even more. Funny how, after such a long time barely remembering him at all, only a few encounters have managed to throw her into this whirlwind of emotions. She's starting to miss the numbness.

Before she can stop herself, she's calling him. As the phone rings a few too many times, she starts to doubt herself. Maybe it's a terrible idea.

"Hailey?" Castiel's very sleepy voice lets her know she doesn't have any more time to change her mind.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up", she says between sniffs before groaning. "Of course I'd wake you up, it's fucking Sunday morning, dammit, Hailey..."

"Wait, wait, what's wrong?" His voice quickly becomes more alert and filled with worry.

Hailey starts to feel even more stupid as she realizes she can't tell Castiel. He didn't even know Rosa was pregnant, she didn't want people to know. She certainly wouldn't want people to know she lost the baby too. And for the same reason she can't tell him about how Rosa hurt Alexy by saying stupid impulsive shit about babies who are adopted not being as loved as biological ones.

"I... I don't think I can tell you."

"What?" His voice becomes tinged with annoyance. "You call me but you can't tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry, Cass, I just... Rosa's going through something I can't talk about and she screamed at Alexy and now they're both pushing me away, I... I'm sorry. I just need a friend and I didn't know who else to reach out to."

Castiel goes awfully quiet.

Hailey is starting to wonder if he's dozing off or if there's a problem with the call. She's about to speak when he speaks.

"Where are you?"

"I'm..."

She looks around. Rosalya probably wants the whole situation to remain a secret, so it's probably not a good idea to tell him she's near the hospital. But they had been inside that hospital before. It was the same hospital Lysander stayed at years ago, after the accident. It would raise even more questions not to mention the hospital, wouldn't it? She doesn't need to tell him what she was doing there, or that she was inside the hospital at all.

"Hailey?"

"Yeah, sorry. Do you remember the hospital where Lysander stayed?"

"I don't think I could ever forget. But why are you there? Are you hurt?"

"No, no, I'm just sitting at the bus stop near the hospital. But there won't be any buses in a while and I think it's about to rain..."

"Shit, you're right." His subtle, strained groan lets her know he's getting up. "Stay there, I'll pick you up. Be right there, okay?"

She doesn't even bother to ask why he's doing that or where they're going. She just wants to get out of there. She just wants company. She just wants _his_ company.

"Yeah, okay", her voice breaks into an awkward whisper. "Thanks."

Castiel really doesn't take long to arrive, but, by the time he does, it's raining quite heavily and, with the direction the wind is blowing, Hailey's getting soaked.

He stops his fancy-looking red car (red, of course, it had to be red) and rolls down the window as Hailey just looks at him, not even caring about the rain anymore.

"Get in the car", he yells over the rain, his voice full of hurry.

Not having the strength to run, Hailey simply stands up and walks towards the car, clutching her bag against her chest. She isn't sure if she's still crying or if it's just rain dripping down her face. But it doesn't matter much.

With a puzzled look on his face, Castiel leans to the side and opens the door for her quickly as she arrives.

"What kind of person walks that slowly under heavy rain?" He asks as she gets in the car and closes the door.

 _The kind of person who doesn't care about anything_ _anymore_ , she thinks, but doesn't have the strength to say it. Instead she just throws her head back, closing her eyes, and sighs.

Even with her eyes closed, she can feel his eyes studying her face. She waits for the sensation to go away and for the car to start moving, but nothing changes.

Finally, she gives up and looks at him, confirming her suspicions.

"What's wrong?" His voice is calm and firm, but his eyes are full of worry.

"...I can't tell you."

His eyebrows twitch into pure annoyance.

"I get out of bed on a Sunday morning to pick you up and you can't even tell me what's wrong?"

"I didn't-" Hailey stops herself before she takes out her frustration on him.

"You didn't ask me to do that", he guesses anyway what she was going to say.

"I'm sorry. Thank you. Really. I can't tell you because it's not about me. Shit went down. I already explained what I could on the phone. Can't you just settle for that explanation?"

He presses his lips together as he gives her one final discomforting stare before finally giving up and letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Fine." He looks away. "Shitty day, I get it."

"When the day has barely even started." She lets out a bitter laugh.

Castiel's lips twitch into a tiny smile.

"It doesn't have to be an entirely shitty day. Maybe I can, uh... try to help? Or I can just take you back to your dorm, if you need some time alone."

"Like I would have time alone in my dorm... No, anywhere but my dorm."

"Alright then." He starts the car. "We're going to my place."

She gives him a puzzled look as the car starts moving.

" _What?_ "

"Thought you said 'anywhere'. We don't have many options on a rainy Sunday. And you should probably change clothes, or else you might get a cold. Besides... I imagine you don't wanna walk around with your bra showing."

She looks down, eyes widening, and immediately hides her chest with her arms, looking away from him.

"Oh, for fuck's sake..."

"Nothing I haven't seen before. Now stop freaking out and put your seat belt on."

"Screw you", she mumbles as she reaches for the seatbelt, still keeping one arm on her chest.

It's a quiet drive at first. Way too quiet. Except for the sounds of the rain and the engine. Being in silence near Castiel used to be comfortable, pleasant even. But now it's very weird.

Either Castiel feels the same way or he can read her mind, because he hurriedly reaches for the car radio and turns it on. When a familiar brutal guitar riff begins, Hailey takes a look at the display.

She snickers.

"Winged Skull? I'm surprised you still listen to them."

"Of course I do", he says.

"I thought maybe you had moved past that. I mean, the style your band plays is a lot lighter..."

"Do you really think I'd get as many listeners if I played thrash metal?"

"So you're a sell-out", she teases.

"I'm not a sell-out!" He retorts with a playful offended tone. "I really like the style we play. I guess I've opened my mind to other styles, which doesn't mean I'll abandon what I liked before... Besides, a band's identity is a result of the member's individual identities, and although we're all very into rock and metal we have very different tastes within the subgenres."

"Hm, fair enough."

"You never liked Winged Skull, right?"

She laughs.

"It's a bit too much for me. I like that it brings back good memories, but other than that... I can tolerate it."

"Want me to switch to another band?"

"Nah, it's fine, let it play."

"Alright then", he says. "I still listen to Hotel Panic as well. What about you?"

Hailey swallows hard. Castiel showed her that band, and she genuinely loved it. But ever since they broke up she couldn't listen to it or any other grunge bands without feeling like her chest was being ripped apart. She couldn't wear red either. She ended up throwing away every single red thing she owned.

"No", she answers curtly.

Castiel glances at her, a bit taken aback.

"Why not?"

She averts her eyes and shrugs.

"Just started listening to other stuff."

"What kinda stuff?"

"Some experimental stuff, a bit of industrial, hard rock... And also some genres outside of rock, a bit on the electronic and trap side but not the mainstream."

"Not bad, not bad", he says with a nod of approval. "Much better than the pop stuff you used to like. Can I take some credit for sending you in the right direction?"

She laughs.

"The direction you approve of isn't necessarily the right direction, that's just arrogant. But yeah, I guess you could say you have some influence there." Giving him a win makes her feel weird, so she decides to counter it. "Made me open my mind, which is very ironic, considering you were quite closed-minded yourself..."

"I was just a silly rebellious teen."

"And now you're a silly rebellious adult?"

Castiel chuckles.

"Shut up."

"Holy shit, this place is huge!" Hailey exclaims as she steps into Castiel's not-so-humble apartment.

"I needed a place with a lot of space and not many rules so I could rehearse freely."

"It's fancy as hell, Castiel! I thought you were just starting to be successful?"

He shrugs.

"I've been making a living from my music for a little while now. It's not _that_ fancy, stop overreacting. I'll get you something to wear, alright?"

She doesn't answer anything as she walks towards the large windows in the living room and admires the view below.

Shorty after, she's startled by a piece of clothing thrown on top of her.

"Hey!" She removes it from her head and turns around to find Castiel smiling.

"That's the longest shirt I've got, should be a dress on you."

"Are these windows dark on the outside?"

"What, are you gonna change right there?"

"Um, no? I was just wondering about privacy and stuff."

"There are curtains, as you may have noticed", he states in a bored tone. "Besides, you do know that you can't really see inside the building during the day, right?"

"Oh, you're right... Wait, why not?"

"There's a physics-related explanation that I forgot, but basically the outside will always be more illuminated than the inside during daytime, so someone who's outside can't really see inside the building like that. Specially when the apartment is so high up."

"You're right, it is..." She says as she looks down at the streets. "I bet you feel so superior standing here watching as life goes by below you."

"I don't really have much time to watch, you know."

She turns around to face him, leaning against one of the windows.

"Lame. Why have all this if you can't even take time to admire things?"

"I told you, I needed space. Now you really should go change while I order something for lunch. Or brunch. I haven't eaten anything yet."

"Me neither, to be honest."

"Well, what would you like to eat?"

"Um... Pizza?"

"Are you sure? You don't have to worry about money, I'll pay", he says.

"Do you really think I'll let you pay? I may not have as much money but I have just as much pride. Well, maybe not as much, I don't think anyone can match _your_ pride", she teases, causing him to quirk an eyebrow. "But yeah, we'll split. But if you don't want pizza you can just say."

He snickers.

"Pizza's fine by me, smartass. Bathroom's right over there." He points towards his bedroom area. "Once you're done feel free to grab a beer on the fridge."

"Beer sounds great. Thanks."


	11. Little Girl, part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting a taste of comfort, Hailey falls back into turmoil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge spoilers for the MCLU storyline here!

Hailey lets out a lazy moan as she opens her eyes and gets into a half-sitting position.

It takes her a moment to process everything. She's inside Castiel's apartment, on Castiel's couch. There are a few empty beer bottles lying around, as well as a nearly empty pizza box. The end credits of the movie she must've only watched halfway through are rolling on the big TV.

And Castiel is sitting on the carpet, in front of her, his back turned to her.

She is suddenly aware of the fact that the black T-shit he has borrowed her has climbed up her thighs and is partially showing her panties. She quickly pulls it down, hoping he didn't look while she was asleep.

He casually turns his head to look at her, a lazy smirk on his face. The time he took to do that makes her wonder if he was giving her time to fix the shirt. He probably saw. _Well, shit._

"Morning, sleephead. Or evening."

"I missed half of the movie, didn't I?" She rubs her head.

"More than half, I'd say. But it's fine, the movie was shit. But the pizza was good."

"See? Not such a bad idea."

"Yes, we need to acknowledge when you actually have good ideas. Those are rare."

"I'm having some ideas right now about punching you in the face."

He laughs.

Then they go quiet.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7XfW23FCqc)

Castiel is looking at her like he wants to say something, and she's probably looking at him the same way, because she wants to say something. She just doesn't know what it is.

"You sort of vanished at the beach that night", he says.

" _I_ vanished?" She sits up straight. " _You_ left to get your guitar and you never came back, so I just assumed you had found somewhere more interesting to be..."

"I ended up finding this nice quiet spot and stayed there for a while. I needed some time on my own. Wouldn't mind if you had joined me though."

"Sorry, my crystal ball was broken", she replies.

He snickers.

"Did you go looking for a new one around the beach then? Because when I came back to where we were before no one seemed to know where you were. But I did notice Nathaniel wasn't there anymore either..."

"Did you just expect me to sit there and wait for you?"

They stare at each other quietly for a moment.

"You simply ignored what I said about Nathaniel", he states.

"Are you going to lecture me about him? I'm afraid I already have enough people doing that."

"No, I think you're old enough to make your own decisions. I just hope you know what you are doing with him."

"I'm being his friend, that's what I'm doing", she retorts.

"Is that really it?"

Another awkward silence follows. Then, Castiel turns his face away from her and sighs.

"It's none of my business anyway."

"You're right. It's not", she fires back.

She watches as his face grows tenser, his lips now pressed together. There's a subtle, almost imperceptible nod of his head. She remembers him doing that too many times when he was upset.

Suddenly feeling a bit guilty, Hailey drops down onto the carpet and places a hand on his knee.

"Hey."

He hesitantly looks at her.

"What?"

"I shouldn't act like this after what you've done for me today." She tries to fight back a smirk. "Even if you're a bit of a jerk sometimes."

Castiel fails to hold back a quiet laugh. He then averts his eyes and shakes his head in disbelief.

"After all this time I still can't deal with you."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

They exchange cheeky looks.

"Come here", Hailey says as she pulls him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his torso.

Castiel's body becomes a bit stiff at first. He clearly wasn't expecting that. But then he hesitantly wraps his arms around her as well and she feels him slowly relax.

She nuzzles against his chest in the way she so often did years ago when she needed comfort, and is surprised to find that it still feels just as soothing and warm as it did before.

"Thank you", she murmurs. "You really helped me today."

"Anytime, little girl", he kindly speaks against her hair, sending chills down her spine.

They stay like that a little longer. It feels so good it's starting to hurt. So Hailey decides it's time to break the hug.

She gently begins to pull away from him, taking her time to let go of him, something she doesn't really want to do. Castiel does the same.

When they look at each other, they freeze. That's when Hailey realizes her heart is racing like crazy. That's when she knows she needs to pull away.

But, before she can think, he moves his hands to cup her face and closes the distance, pressing his lips against hers. She closes her eyes tightly for some reason and lets out a barely audible whimper. He doesn't let go. Instead he licks her bottom lip. She opens her mouth and lets his tongue reach hers, mentally beating herself up for letting him kiss her. She hates how weak he makes her.

She feels one of his hands gently yet firmly slide down her arm and reach her thigh. His hand then slowly makes its way up her thigh, moving the shirt up.

_No._

Hailey places her hand on his to stop him and forces herself to become unresponsive. She can't let this happen. She can't go down that road again.

Castiel pulls away to look at her. His intense steel gaze seems to pierce a hole right through her soul.

"No", she mumbles with whatever little strength she has left, shaking her head.

He rests his cheek against hers.

"Why not?" His half-whispered voice near her ear makes her head spin.

"We can't go back, you have to stop..." Her words come out slurred. Being so close to him is too intoxicating.

Castiel plants a slightly rough kiss on her neck, causing her to sigh.

"It doesn't have to mean anything."

That's enough to bring her back from whatever trance he put her in. She opens her eyes and pulls away.

She lets out a bitter, breathy laugh and gives him a questioning look.

"Do you really think it can ever be meaningless between us?"

He studies her face intently.

"...There's no right answer for that, is there?"

"An honest answer would be good."

He sighs and rests his back against the couch, still looking at her.

"If I said it could be meaningless, what would you do?"

"I'd ask you to take me home."

"Why?"

"Because I would feel like shit knowing you find it meaningless when it can never be that way to me."

He keeps studying her face, a surprised glint in his eyes.

"And if I said it _couldn't_ be meaningless?"

"I'd ask you to take me home."

"Why?"

Hailey fights back tears that threaten to form.

"Because being with you hurts too much."

He swallows hard before nodding slowly.

"Well, I guess there's only one outcome then."

She looks away from him.

"How much did you drink?"

"Two beers, and I stopped over an hour ago. I'm fine, I can drive you home."

Hailey nods.

"Alright."

It's just a glimpse, it's all very fast. But, during the drive to campus, Hailey is pretty sure she sees Nathaniel. But she only processes what she has seen right after Castiel drives past where he is.

He was in a corner of the street, barely visible. And he wasn't alone. He was with someone. A very shady-looking guy. And he was delivering a package. A shady-looking package.

As she tries to put the pieces together, what Castiel said to provoke Nathaniel the other day echoes in her mind. _Wherever you find junkies, you'll find Natha-_

Heart racing, she looks forward. It can't be... Could it be?

"You alright?" Castiel's voice beside her causes her to jump slightly. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

She tries to force her breathing to become steady as she fakes a smile and shakes her head.

"It's nothing. I just thought I saw something but I think I'm imagining things."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry."

No, she definitely saw him. But, whatever shady business Nathaniel is involved with, the guy he sees as a rival is probably not the right person to tell. If she talks to someone about what she's just seen, she'll talk to Nathaniel himself first.

When they stop near the dorm, Hailey hasn't managed to get what she saw out of her head. That and the kiss with Castiel. She doesn't know which memory is messing with her head the most.

"So, here we are", Castiel says.

Hailey swallows hard and gives him a nervous smile.

"Here we are."

She bites her lower lip as they stare at each other. Are they gonna kiss?

_No, it can't happen again._

"Well, I should go now", she says as she opens the door.

She's about to get out of the car when Castiel calls out to her.

"Hailey."

Her heart skips a beat. She looks at him over her shoulder.

"Yeah?"

He gives her a look that's... not exactly conflicted. Not exactly hesitant. He almost looks scared, but there's also a certainty in his eyes.

"I didn't answer your question before. The answer is no. I don't think so."

Her jaw drops very discretely as she realizes what he must be talking about. He's talking about thinking it could be meaningless, isn't he?

She doesn't dare to ask. Instead she nods slowly and gives him a tiny hesitant smile.

"Thanks. For being honest. And for everything."

He just nods.

It is only when Hailey has closed the door and started walking towards the dorm in a hurry that she realizes she's still wearing Castiel's shirt. And she left her clothes at his place. But, with the weight of everything else that's happened, that seems insignificant.

Rosalya lost her baby. Alexy and Rosalya had a fight. Alexy is out of reach. She called Castiel.

Castiel kissed her. And tried to have sex with her. And then admitted it could never be meaningless.

And Nathaniel might be dealing drugs.

The last thought hits her like a punch to the stomach. A knot forms in her throat.

It's all way too much.

[| so far |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xcf4JoCQJs0)


	12. Memory Lane, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathaniel takes Hailey back in time on an afternoon adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed finding High School Life references in University Life, so I really wanted to write something like this. I hope it brings you joy as well.

Alexy and Rosalya have finally made peace and are back in touch with Hailey as well, which is a big factor in why she doesn't feel like such a mess today. It's a Saturday afternoon and she doesn't have to work at the café, so she decides to work on her thesis while she's in a good enough mindset for it.

But it's hard to focus. Memories of both Castiel and Nathaniel make it impossible for her to write a full sentence without losing her train of thought. What was she thinking? Those are possibly the worst kissing candidates for her. On their own they are bad enough, but going for both... It's incredibly stupid. But maybe it wasn't her fault? With Nathaniel, she was drunk. Well, tipsy. And, with Castiel, he was the one who kissed her. Of course, it took her a while to fight back, but still... Well, maybe it was a bad idea to reach out to him. What was she expecting? A _friend_?

Her phone vibrates, distracting her from the thoughts that distracted her from her thesis. Her heart skips a beat as she looks at the screen. It's a text from Nathaniel.

** Nathaniel: Are you busy? **

She bites her lower lip. She _does_ have the intention of talking things out with him. Maybe she doesn't have to make it a big deal. Even though it probably is a big deal – a big drug dealing thing... Or is it?

Maybe hanging out with him and being chill about everything is the best way to get the truth.

** Hailey: Depends on what you have in mind **

The reply arrives quickly.

** Nathaniel: An adventure. How about that? **

** Hailey: Oh? Go on **

** Nathaniel: It's a surprise. **

Hailey smiles to herself.

** Hailey: You think I'll just agree without even knowing where we're going under the promise of an adventure? **

** Hailey: Because if you do **

** Hailey: You're right **

** Nathaniel: Haha great. How about I pick you up in 30 mins? Tell me where your room is **

** Hailey: No need, I'll meet you near the dorm. **

** Nathaniel: I love it when you give me a hard time. **

Hailey snickers to herself before switching off the screen. She then hurries towards the closet to pick an outfit, which proves to be a specially difficult task when she doesn't even know where she's going. Even more so when her closet is an absolute mess - just like her head.

Then she remembers what Nathaniel said at the Crowstorm concert. _You know, fishnet tights always get me..._

She begins pulling down all the tangled clothes in search of her fishnet tights.

After finally finding them, she goes on another quest to find a mini-skirt, a loose white T-shirt to balance it out and a thin jacket. She then picks her high top converse shoes and tiny hoop earrings.

_ Alright, time to shower. _

** Nathaniel: I'm here. **

That simple text is enough to giver her butterflies.

_ Alright, Hailey, play it cool. _

** Hailey: Omw to the elevator **

She sticks her phone into her fanny pack and takes a moment to stop in front of the bathroom's mirror for any final adjustments. She pulls out her lip gloss and applies some more before turning her attention to her hair. It's loose and a bit messy, but it doesn't look bad. _Meh, I'll just let it do its thing._

She puts a hair tie around her wrist just in case.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZh7vxfdp94)

Her smile when she sees Nathaniel outside is effortless and inevitable. He's there, leaning against his motorcycle, wearing ripped jeans and looking pretty stylish. She can't help but notice he's wearing high top converse shoes as well. He smiles back at her, his helmet under his arm and another helmet on his hand.

It's starting to feel like a date.

"If your jacket was also blue, I'd accuse you of spying on me", Hailey jokes once she's close enough, eyeing the green jacket he's wearing.

He laughs.

"Maybe I was and I picked green just to throw you off", he says as he handles her the extra helmet.

"Lurking in the corners of the university, spying on me while I get dressed... Not looking good, Nathaniel." She fights back the temptation to add 'dealing drugs' to the list.

"You, on the other hand, are looking _really_ good." He gives her a deliberate once-over. "Like, really." His eyebrows move up and down as he says the last word, as if to emphasize it.

"It's hard to tell how genuine you're being when complimenting women is a habit, but thank you anyway." She gives him a sassy smile. "Can you just give me a hint about where we're going? You know making me curious is the same as torturing me."

"Yeah, I remember." He chuckles. "Well, at the beach..." He makes her heart skip a beat the mention of the beach. "Remember when you told me about your friend who's into urbexing and how you'd like to try something like that?"

Her jaw drops.

"Are we going urbexing?"

"Well, not exactly. Something like that." He puts on his helmet and gets on the motorcycle. "Now just put on your helmet and let's go."

She sighs.

"Fine."

As the streets become increasingly familiar, Hailey starts to understand what's happening.

"The school? Is that where you're taking me?" She yells over the wind and the motorcycles' engine.

"Yeah", Nathaniel yells back excitedly.

She laughs.

"No way!"

They soon stop in front of Sweet Amoris High School. Hailey gets butterflies just from seeing it again. For some reason, she hasn't even walked by the school since she's been back. She is unable to take her eyes off the entrance as a she hops off the motorcycle and removes her helmet, a wave of nostalgia hitting her.

"It almost looks the same..." She then looks at Nathaniel, who's taking off his helmet and taking hers. "You sure no one's in there?"

"It's a Sunday afternoon. I doubt it."

He puts the helmets in the under-seat compartment.

"Okay then... How are we going to get in? Are we going to break a window or what?"

Nathaniel reaches into his pocket, and Hailey hears the jingling of keys.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but we're using a more conventional method." He dangles a set of keys in the air.

"What? You _still_ have the keys?"

"No one ever bothered to take them away from me, and I didn't bother getting rid of them, so..."

"You didn't bother? Or you couldn't let go of your student body president past? I bet you're still a student body president inside."

He laughs.

"Yeah, right."

"Have you... come back here ever since we graduated?"

"Nope. First time for me as well."

"What if they changed the keyholes?"

Nathaniel sticks the key into the gate and twists it with ease.

"Looks like they didn't."

"What if they did?"

He shrugs.

"We'd climb."

"Isn't this vandalism or something?"

"Only if we break something. Like a window", he says with a witty smirk as he opens the double doors at the entrance. "Otherwise, I think it's trespassing at most."

"Oh. No biggie", she replies sarcastically, but still follows him inside.

Once they're in, Hailey stares longingly at the main hall. It's just like she remembers it.

She hears Nathaniel lock the doors behind him.

"Now you're stuck here with me", he says.

"Scary", she retorts in the most monotone voice possible.

"Well, talk about a walk down memory lane", Hailey comments as they walk down the hall. They've looked at a few of the classrooms already.

"I'm surprised that the school has barely changed at all", Nathaniel says.

She sighs.

"An interesting contrast to us."

"You haven't changed that much."

"Funny, that's not what other people say", she points out, not wanting to mention specifically that Castiel said the opposite.

"Maybe everyone else is wrong and I'm the only one who sees the real you", he says.

She chuckles.

"Maybe."

Nathaniel stops by the lockers and places his hand on one of them.

"This was my locker." He then moves a bit and places it on another locker. The one that belonged to her. "And this was yours, wasn't it?"

"How do you even remember that?"

"I have pretty good memory", he says.

She gasps as memories begin to come back.

"Do you remember when I messed up Amber's locker?"

He laughs.

"How could I forget that?"

She then remembers it was Castiel's idea in the first place, but decides to ignore that fact.

"Where was her locker again? I can't remember..."

He walks a bit and places his hand on another locker.

"Here."

"Oh, right! And to think you helped me... I guess you weren't such a goody-two-shoes even back then, huh?"

"See? I've always had it in me."

She then thinks about what she witnessed at the street. Nathaniel delivering a suspicious package to a suspicious guy.

"What is it?" He asks, probably noticing the hesitance on her face.

She shakes her head.

"Nothing." She pastes on a smile. "Doing that was fun, but the cleaning part surely wasn't..."

"I remember you thought there was a ghost after you heard sounds from the basement." He laughs.

"Ugh, don't even remind me of that..."

"Speaking of that, wanna go see the basement?"

Her smile widens involuntarily.

"You don't even have to ask."

Nostalgia hits her like a knife to the chest as she walks into the basement with Nathaniel.

"Huh. Looks like they turned it into a big dumpster again", he points out.

Noticing the stage they built is still there, Hailey walks towards it slowly, examining the surroundings like she's in a dream.

"If the stage wasn't still here it'd be hard to believe we held a concert in here."

He chuckles.

"Right?"

Hailey sits on the small stage and watches as Nathaniel walks around, examining and touching random things.

"The concert was badass, but I'd say my fondest memory here is when we all ate snacks after cleaning up the place. Do you remember that?"

He gives her a kind smile that looks very familiar.

"How could I forget?" Then his smile becomes a bit devious. "But my fondest memory might be throwing that drum stick on Castiel's head."

"I knew it!" Hailey laughs as she points a finger at him. "You so did that on purpose!"

"Damn right I did."

She shakes her head in exaggerated disapproval.

Their smiles slowly fade into more subtle ones as they look at each other. Hailey is fairly certain that the nostalgic twinkle in his eyes matches the one in her own eyes.

Then her smile vanishes completely.

"You never forgave him for believing Deborah, did you?"

His smile vanishes quicker than hers.

"No." An angry spark in his eyes is enough for her to know just how much the subject still affects him. "I hate being accused of things I didn't do."

She nods slowly.

"You've always hated injustice."

The anger in his eyes dissipates.

"I didn't think you'd remember so much about me."

She smiles lightly.

"Why wouldn't I? You were by far one of the most remarkable people I met here. Or... ever, really."

Nathaniel gives her a strange look, but the look is quickly followed by a dazzling smile that does strange things to her.

"Let's go to the rooftop", he blurts out. "We can watch the sunset."

The suggestion sounds very random considering its lack of connection with the previous topic, but Hailey doesn't really mind. It's actually a relief. So she happily gets up from the stage and walks towards the exit.

[| weightless |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_cAH8fn-sw)


	13. Memory Lane, part 2

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4ueAI9RTlc)

Nathaniel steps aside once he opens the door to the rooftop and, with a playful smile, gestures in a fancy way, inviting her to go first.

"Such a gentleman", she jokes as she walks past the door.

As soon as she's out, the wind shamelessly throws her hair around, causing it to whip her face repeatedly. She wouldn't mind it so much if she didn't want to admire the view. But she does, so she takes the hair tie around her wrist and pulls her hair back into a messy ponytail.

As she finishes tying her hair, she notices Nathaniel beside her, watching her intently.

"What?" She tries not to seem too bothered by the way he's looking at her.

He smirks.

"You'd always do that in class. Very distracting."

Hailey chokes on whatever she was going to say and averts her eyes, her cheeks becoming hot.

"Oh, shut up", she mumbles.

Nathaniel laughs out loud in the childish way he'd always laugh before, making her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

She decides to ignore the feeling and walks towards the parapet. He trails behind her. She leans forward, arms on top of the parapet, as she admires the sunset and the streets below. She had forgotten how nice the view was from the school's rooftop.

"I'd come here often when I was tired of all the obligations and tasks", he confesses. "And people..."

She turns her head to look at him. He's staring off into the horizon with a pensive look.

"Really? Is this where you were hiding then whenever I couldn't find you?"

He snickers.

"Either that or I was running around like a maniac doing too many things and worrying too much for a teenage boy."

"Is that why you're the complete opposite now? Overcompensating?"

"Stop analyzing me." He tries to sound annoyed, but his expression is completely relaxed, and there's a subtle smile on his lips.

"I'm just trying to understand you", she says honestly.

"Just like old times." He locks eyes with her.

"What can I say? You've always been ridiculously hard to understand."

"Maybe you just haven't asked the right questions."

She snorts and shakes her head as she turns her gaze back to the streets below again, admiring the view. Nathaniel must be doing the same, because he goes quiet.

Hailey swallows hard as she's faced with a sudden, stupid urge to jump. It scares her, but she decides to look into it. Does she want to die? No, that can't be right. She doesn't want to die.

She wants to _feel_. But feel what? An adrenaline rush? If that's the case maybe she can get that just by climbing.

"Nath."

"Hm?"

She stands up straight and turns to him, realizing her arms have gone a bit numb from supporting her weight.

"Can you help me stand on top of the parapet?"

He stares at her in utter confusion.

"And why would you do that? It's dangerous."

She smiles.

"Exactly."

His eyebrows furrow even further.

"Should I be worried about you?"

Hailey is tempted to ask him the same thing, but decides against ruining the moment.

"You can hold me so I won't fall", she says.

"You're putting too much faith in me."

"Yeah. So?"

Nathaniel studies her face before finally letting out a resigned sigh.

"Fine. First you'll sit, facing me."

Hailey tries to push the parapet with her hands so she can sit, but she doesn't manage to go high enough.

Nathaniel chuckles.

"I got you, shorty."

He places his hands on her waist and lifts her, gently sitting her on the parapet. Hailey smiles at him, admiring him as the sunset causes his golden hair and eyes to glow.

"Now bring one leg up to place your foot on the parapet", he instructs, causing her to realize she got so distracted she forgot for a brief moment what her goal was.

"Look away, I'm wearing a skirt", she says, even though she wouldn't really mind if he looked.

Nathaniel rolls his eyes, but obediently looks away as she lifts her leg – which is slightly disappointing.

"Okay, now I'll help you stand up and turn around. Then you'll place your other foot on the parapet _carefully_."

With butterflies in her stomach, Hailey does as he says, heart racing as she finally stands up, back turned to him. The fact that his hands are now on her thighs is very hard to ignore, but the excitement from standing up on an edge is strong enough to outshine that.

She giggles almost hysterically as she looks down.

"Oh shit!"

She hears Nathaniel laughing behind her. But he lets her stay there for only a few seconds.

"Alright, that's enough."

"Already? No, let me-"

Before she can finish, Nathaniel pulls her back abruptly, causing her to gasp loudly. He wraps his arms around Hailey, who lets out a yelp as they fall onto the ground, laughing.

"Hey!"

Somehow, he manages to turn the fall into a smooth one, and Hailey doesn't get hurt at all. Once they're lying on the ground, Nathaniel lets go of her waist and pulls away from her, smiling as he looks up to the sky. Hailey also remains on the ground, not caring at all about how dirty it must be.

"You got your taste of adventure", he says. "Now behave."

"Hah. _You_ are telling me to behave? Well, that's rich..."

"I'm a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do kinda guy."

She lets out a chuckle.

"Just a sugar-coated way of calling yourself a hypocrite."

Still smiling, Nathaniel turns his head to look at her.

"I'm starting to worry I might be a bad influence on you."

Hailey studies his face. He said it in a playful tone, but he does seem a bit worried.

"Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I've been a bad influence on myself already."

"That's not very comforting."

Hailey just smiles mysteriously at him before turning her gaze to the sky.

"How are things with Castiel?" The question is like a punch to her stomach.

She turns her head to look at him again. He's still looking at her.

She pastes on a playful smirk.

"You just love talking about Castiel, don't you? I'm starting to think you have a thing for him."

"No. I have a thing for _you_ ", he blurts out without any hesitance, causing her eyes to instantly widen.

"... _What?_ "

"I have a thing for you", he repeats casually, like he's saying he likes apples. "And he's always been in the way."

Her jaw drops, which causes Nathaniel to smirk lightly.

"Got you", he says smugly.

She exhales in exasperation, turning her head to look at the sky and away from him.

"About your question... Do you really want me to answer that?"

"Yes."

She licks her lips uncomfortably as she sighs.

"Weird. Things are weird. He kissed me, I interrupted before things got out of hand and then I asked him to take me home. And we haven't spoken since then."

A pained silence follows her reveal. She looks at Nathaniel. He's not looking at her anymore. His eyebrows are a bit furrowed, but otherwise his face is unreadable.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"If it's the truth, then yes", he replies. Then, he looks back at her. "Why did you stop him?"

"Don't expect me to say it was because of you."

"I don't", he says firmly.

Hailey takes a moment to think about his question.

"...Because everything's too painful with him. And so is talking about him."

Nathaniel nods slowly.

"Alright." He props himself up into a sitting position with a sigh. "Well, looks like I ruined the mood."

Hailey snickers.

"I knew you still had the old party-pooper Nathaniel somewhere inside."

"Very funny." His gaze lands on something on the ground. "Looks like someone's been drinking here."

Hailey sits up to find a few empty beer bottles scattered on the ground, in a corner. She laughs.

"Do you think it's a student?"

"Or two. Or more."

"Is it weird that I envy them? I think maybe I could've been a bit wilder in high school... Or a lot wilder."

"Is that why you're trying to act wild now? Overcompensating?" He grins, very satisfied with his small revenge.

" _Touché_ , blondie. I'll let you win this time."

"Like you have a choice."

His gaze lands on the bottles again, and so does Hailey's. Being at school and looking at empty bottles is starting to bring back memories.

She gives him a cheeky smile.

"I'm having flashbacks."

He mirrors her smile.

"Of when we played spin the bottle."

She giggles.

"Exactly."

"That was a pretty intense day", he says.

"It sure was. No one expected the student body president to go shirtless."

"Pfff... I was just a skinny boy."

"You weren't _that_ skinny..."

"I guess you took a good look then."

"Don't be ridiculous, I was in a relationship!" She deliberately avoids saying Castiel's name.

"And that ruined my fun. I thought I'd finally get to kiss you and then..." he says, referring to Castiel storming off, but apparently having gotten the hint about not saying his name.

Hailey considers pointing out the fact that he _did_ get to kiss her recently, or the fact that he can kiss her _now_ , but decides against making those comments.

"That game happened way too late", she says.

Nathaniel's eyes widen slightly as he seems to have an idea. He glances at the empty bottles before giving Hailey a very mischievous smile.

"Actually, no."

"What?"

"It's not too late."

He gets up and walks towards the bottles. Hailey's jaw drops as she realizes what he's about to do. She laughs nervously as he walks back with an empty bottle and a victorious grin.

He sits in front of her and places the bottle between them.

"No way..." She shakes her head at him, unable to contain her smile.

"Alright, help me out here, bottle", he says as he rubs his hands.

He breathes in and out, pretending to be incredibly nervous, as he prepares to spin the bottle. But there's something about his posture and his expression that tells her he _might_ actually be a bit nervous. Which is ridiculously endearing.

Nathaniel spins the bottle. Filled with anticipation, they watch it spin around, until it stops... and points to the side.

"Oh, come on!" Nathaniel says in a frustrated groan, causing Hailey to giggle.

She rests her hands against the dirty ground, leaning back and giving him an amused look.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Spin it again."

His eyes narrow slightly as the challenge clearly gets to him. Holding back a laugh, he determinedly brings his hands to the bottle, and for a moment seems to be calculating just how much impulse it needs to land on her.

Hailey holds her breath once he finally spins the bottle. Her heart starts beating faster as she waits for it to stop spinning.

Then it lands on her.

[(soundtrack)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb94r5WwxdU)

She looks at Nathaniel.

He looks back at her. Instead of looking smug, he looks... quite nervous. His golden eyes are burning with something very similar to what she saw at the beach, by the sea. He looks oddly determined. Only the remains of a smirk on his lips allow him not to look too serious.

What follows is a series of very deliberate slow movements. First, he pushes the bottle aside. Then, he puts his knees on the ground. Then, he drags himself closer. Then, he pushes a hair strand that has managed to escape the ponytail away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Then, with his other hand, he gently holds her chin, lifting her head as he breaks eye contact to glance at her lips, but his gaze is quickly back to her eyes. Hailey doesn't think she could break eye contact even if she wanted to. His eyes are too hypnotic.

The butterflies in her stomach go frantic as he finally begins to close the distance. Hailey doesn't dare to move. She doesn't want to do anything that might scare him away, seeing that he's so evasive most of the time.

She closes her eyes. _Yes, please._

As soon as his lips meet hers, it's like she's floating. He softly, teasingly, brushes his lips against hers before applying a bit of pressure. Hailey melts into his kiss as her hands hesitantly touch his forearms.

Nathaniel pulls away just enough to rub his nose against hers lightly, causing a ticklish feeling, before pressing his lips against hers again. He uses his tongue to trace her lips, causing her thoughts to drift to very dirty scenarios and making her dizzy.

Deciding she's been teased enough, Hailey brings her hands to his chest and tugs at his shirt, biting his lower lip. He lets out a shaky sigh before kissing her with much more intensity than before, his tongue finally meeting hers.

He brings a hand to the back of her neck and wraps an arm around her waist, forcing her body backwards and making her lie on the ground. Her legs instinctively spread to allow full contact as his body rests on top of hers, and she sighs loudly as she feels a hard lump pressing against her. Her hands reach for his soft hair and tug at it as their kisses grow deeper, but never fast. He removes his arm from her waist and moves his hand down to her thigh, squeezing the exposed flesh a bit too tight, which causes her to whimper. That seems to encourage Nathaniel, who risks moving his hips forward to press harder against her, letting out a subtle, low-pitched moan.

Soon her hands are under his shirt, her short nails proving they aren't so short they can't scratch his back when he lets out a grunt has her nails sink into his skin. But he doesn't flinch. He only seems to give in more. _He likes it._

Hailey feels higher and higher as things progress, and she's fairly certain no amount of weed could ever get her _this_ high.

_Bzzzzt. Bzzzzt._

The sound of Nathaniel's vibrating phone pulls them out of their lustful trance. Nathaniel breaks the kiss and seems to be considering taking the call, which causes her to send him an annoyed look. He then smiles lightly and shakes his head.

"That can wait."

As he attacks her lips again, Hailey starts to wonder just _how far_ they're going to get. But her worries dissipate as his lips trail down her neck, leaving kisses along the way and making her head spin again. She can't fight it.

_Bzzzzt. Bzzzzt._

"Oh, for fuck's sake", Nathaniel mumbles against her collarbone.

He pulls away to look at her, as if asking for permission to answer the phone.

"Do you really have to take that?" She frowns.

"If the caller's insisting, it might be important..."

She lets out a very frustrated sigh.

"Fine."

Nathaniel backs off awkwardly while he pulls the phone from his pocket, and Hailey quickly averts her eyes from his crotch once she notices how obvious the bulge in his pants is.

He looks nervous as he checks the caller ID, and she holds back the urge to ask him who's calling. He doesn't owe her explanations. But she gets more and more curious as he gets up and puts some distance between them to take the call, which causes her to listen carefully.

"Hello?" Nathaniel pauses as the person on the line says something. Sounds like a man - an annoyed man. But she can't make out what the guy is saying. "Yeah, sorry, I was busy with someth-", Nathaniel is cut off by the guy's rant. "Alright, alright! I'll be there in 20, okay?"

She narrows her eyes at him once he hangs up. Now she _has_ to ask.

"Who was that?"

"A friend", he vaguely answers.

She stands up and steps closer to him.

"What does your 'friend' need that's so urgent?"

"I can't tell you."

She huffs.

"I can't believe you'll just leave like that and not tell me why."

"I won't. I'll take you home."

She eyes him with concern.

"Nath... What did you get yourself into?"

He closes the distance between them with an apologetic smile as he caresses her face with both hands.

"Nothing you should be worried about." He plants a kiss on her lips before taking her hand. "Come on, I'll take you home."

Despite probably being in a hurry, Nathaniel doesn't ride too fast. They stay silent along the way as Hailey holds onto him tightly, not knowing when or if she'll do that again. She feels an odd mix of giddiness, frustration and anxiety.

Once they arrive and Hailey gets off the motorcycle, Nathaniel does the same, taking his helmet off as well. Hailey tries not to let out a sigh of relief. She was hoping he wouldn't just take off without properly talking to her.

She studies his face and clutches the helmet against her stomach, waiting for him to say something and wondering if she should just tell him what she saw. But then she remembers what he said in the basement. _I hate being accused of things I didn't do._

Maybe she got the wrong idea.

Well, he clearly doesn't have time to talk about that anyway...

"I'm sorry we had to cut our date short", Nathaniel says.

Hailey only manages to give him a faint smile.

"Date, huh?" Her smile quickly subsides.

"You're frustrated", he says.

"Very frustrated. Not only because of the way we were interrupted, but because I think you're hiding something. And I don't like that."

He gives her a pained look before averting his eyes.

"I should go."

"Right."

As he takes the helmet from her hand, he gives her one last kiss.

"I don't know about you, but I had an amazing time." He smiles lightly. "Bye."

Hailey fails to smile back as she nods slowly.

"Bye."

[| we can kill our minds |](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWo98Z5zazw)


End file.
